Rebuilding from the Ashes
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Helping rescue Casey from the Jail hostage standoff was just one part of the day's harrowing events. But what else does Severide discover about Casey's current living situation that forces him to take swift action to save his friend – from himself? How can he help him rebuild his life? Based on some parts from eppy 1.24 Hell of a Ride, Contains some spoilers CHAP 6 UP NOW
1. 24 Hours of Hell

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 1 – 24 hours of Hell **

**Summary: **Helping rescue Casey from the Jail hostage standoff was just one part of the day's harrowing events. But what else does Severide discover about Casey's current living situation that forces him to take swift action to save his friend – from himself? How can he help him rebuild his life? Based on some parts from eppy 1.24 Hell of a Ride, Contains some spoilers

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a sweet broment every single eppy!

**A/N:** Okay so haha yeah I did not know they would be having a jail incident when I wrote my 'lockdown' OS a few months back. So I've tried to keep this one different BUT REALLY? They give us such a great broment in the last eppy and then nothing in this one? *Oye* who do we need to talk to over there? Lol and I'm sorry but Dawson swooping in like that to me was beyond lame, he needs a solid friend not a woman with a romantic agenda! Grrr should have been Kelly! Oh and this takes place before the last ending scene (I'll let the Shaveride shippers tackle that one lol) So you know Alice couldn't leave this one alone so hope you like what we came up with and thanks in advance!

_Note: Words in "double quotes and italics taken from the eppy"_

The day had started with a hint of promise.

"Here," Severide mentions as he knocks on the door to Casey's office and hands Casey a mug of steaming coffee as he turns around.

"Just what the doctor ordered," Casey replies with a small nod of appreciation as he takes the mug and absently stares down at the dark contents. But as he feels Severide's watchful gaze upon him, he looks up and frowns. "I'm okay."

"You've lost weight."

"You can tell?" Casey asks with a hint of glum in his tone.

"Yeah I can tell. The crappy or sometimes non existent lunches. The day by days….the I'm fines…the thanks for asking but I'm okay," Severide replies softly as Casey looks at him in sorrow. "I know it's a lie but I don't want to press."

"Kelly…"

"But maybe I should be pressing," Severide states more than questions. "Remember Hallie told you no more fast food," he lightly huffs. But his jaw tightens and his expression clouds the same time as Casey's and he can only wince and utter a reply of remorse.

"Hey man I'm sorry."

"I don't want people walking on eggshells around me. I'm fine," Casey insists firmly.

"You know my offer still stands; come stay with us a few days or even a week until you get your head back on straight."

"Would feel like a third wheel. I'll be okay. Just gotta get past the funeral and I'll um…I'll be fine," Casey insists as he takes another sip of his coffee. "Hallie's mom left me a message last night."

"Wondered you who were whispering to when the rest of us were trying to sleep," Severide lightly retorts. "What'd she want?"

"Said that since she really didn't get a good chance to talk to me when I dropped by the house with the news and she um…she wanted to know if Hallie suffered at all. I told her no and explained about being hit on the um…the head before the fire," Casey's voice cracks as he looks away, forcing Severide to uneasily shift in place before Casey turns back a few seconds later. "I don't think she believed me. She got the same report from the doctor as I did after Antonio confirmed it. She didn't believe me."

"It'll take time for her, you know that right?"

"I do," Casey answers in truth as he leans back in his chair and looks at the picture of Hallie on his desk. "Coffee's good," he mentions numbly as he looks back up at Severide with an uneasy expression. "I'm not sleeping."

"I know."

"I keep seeing her in bed beside me and then myself chasing that guy. Then I see her body in my grasp not responding and then I hear him laughing and I just…I get so angry that I wish he was here so I could beat his ass all over again. A few hits before a bullet between the eyes just didn't seem enough justice to me."

"Maybe you need a few more days?" Severide gently suggests.

"I can't stay…home anymore," Casey replies tightly. "I need to be here and busy. Here is where I belong."

"It is," Severide reluctantly agrees as he looks with concern at Casey's sullen expression. "Just promise me you're done taking foolish risks like that."

"Kelly…"

"Putting yourself in harms way for no reason isn't worth your life and maybe you don't want to hear it, but I'm saying it again anyways. You're not the only one that loses when you go off without thinking things through."

"I know," Casey replies with a weak smile. "I think I'm done playing Rambo Casey for a bit."

"Knew you liked that term," Severide chuckles as he takes a sip of his coffee also. But before he can offer Casey a friendly outing; the overhead paging system goes off and both of them trade worried glances. It was the one call they always dreaded.

_"Structure fire…"_

"Hopefully it'll be an easy one," Casey grumbles as he stands up to face Severide with tight expression.

"Jail house fire?"

"I know…worst call there is," Casey huffs. "Maybe it's only in the parking lot."

"No more needless chances," Severide reminds as he pats Casey on the back as they both hurry to get their gear and get into the field.

But while the day that had started with hope it was about to end with a cry of utter despair. As least on the part of one of the Firehouse 51 Lieutenant's.

As Severide slowly heads down the hallway of the hospital in search of Casey, his mind thinks back on the day's harrowing events that could have turned out much much worse. Half a day spent in hell.

_"You want a hostage, take me instead."_

His mind recalls Casey's admirable but desperate plea and in that very instant found himself cursing his friend's name along with his foolhardy bravdo. _Damn it Casey what the hell are you doing? You said no more risks! _He had felt himself pause for a few seconds as his mind and heart raced. These guys weren't some two bit street thugs – they were angry, agitated, cornered inmates with a mind to do violence only; they didn't care to who.

"Casey!" He remembered hissing, drawing an inquisitive glance from Capp. "We gotta move faster," he had whispered as he tried to focus on the task at hand and Casey's desperate pleas to trade his life as a hostage for Hermann's. Neither were working and all it did was fuel his agitated words that he took out on the nearby guard. The guard's curt but truthful reply forced his head to get back in the game and focus on getting Shay in to Dawson and Mills, his mind praying at the same time he'd get to Casey before anything major happened.

_"Chief trapped in here…knife to Hermann's throat…going to the Chapel…"_

_"Chief I gotta get to Casey."_

But the answer from the Chief wasn't what he wanted to hear in that moment – put out the fire first and get power restored, they were working on another plan for Casey – that had forced his frustrated agitation to soar even higher. Fire first, Casey later. The priorities seemed wrong. Casey was in trouble, wiling to offer his life and the Chief was worried about the damn prison fire? All silent thoughts remained just that – silent, for the moment.

"Damn it," Severide cursed as he shook his head and considered defying the order.

"Casey knows what he's doing," Capp's firm reminder brought him back to his sordid reality.

"Does he?" Severide snapped before he rushed toward the rest of his gear. As much as he wanted to defy Boden's order and get to Casey and his team first, he knew inside he couldn't. He had to lead by example and time was running out on them all. There were other lives at stake and restoring power was priority. He'd have to wait and just pray he could get to Casey in time before anything more tragic happened – after the damn fire was put out.

"Casey," he talks into his radio; telling himself that it was time to focus on the task at hand – getting the truck team out of harms way safely and worry about giving Casey his tongue scolding later. "Okay Capp let's move."

But a calm request from Casey to leave the smoke in play so they could use it as a means of escape cover was one that he had to work with and respect. It was risky but he knows that much like himself, he wasn't about to leave the prison guard behind to fend for himself against some bloodthirsty inmates while they walked out scot free. The plan was made; Cruz would give up his gear and under the cover of smoke they would move past the prisoners, tricking them into thinking the guard would remain behind when in reality he was walking out with them – in disguise.

For those few tense for moments, Severide didn't breathe, not until he heard Casey's own voice that they had all cleared the building and Boden gave the okay for them to put out the rest of the fire and then restore power – the military was on their way in to help restore order.

The ending to the tense situation seemed to come quicker than the duration and by the time it was over Severide hurried outside to see Casey's team disperse; the military already inside. He noticed the heavy wince on Casey's face but told himself it was from the anxiety at watching Hermann being so mistreated and then having to tell him that he was the father of a new baby boy despite being held at desperate knifepoint.

"You okay?" Severide asks as he places a protective arm on Casey's back and slowly leads Casey away from the rest of his team and gives him a concerned once over; Casey not putting up much of an outward fuss.

"We got out safe and alive. Mission accomplished right?" Casey replies with an uneasy expression as he turns to face his friend.

"What aren't you telling me?" Severide presses.

"We need to get to the hospital and welcome in the newest member to the Hermann clan," Casey tells him with a firm nod as he sort of leans to one side; his actions drawing Severide's inspecting gaze. "Give it a rest I'm fine."

Severide steps aside and watches Casey in concern as the two teams slowly break apart and head for their own trucks to pack up and head to the hospital. But during the ride over Severide's mind keeps thinking about Casey's actions as of late and knows his outward lies would have to give one of these days and then what?

"Can't let that happen," Severide mutters as he casts a stony gaze out the window. He thinks about Shay's news about the pregnancy not taking and feels his heart sink even further. _Why can't anything go right for once? _His mind ponders as they near the hospital. Talking with the Hermann's and then being told him and Shay would be the godparents was a mixed blessing as he now wonders if Shay too isn't an emotional ticking time bomb.

But as he heads back into the hallway and looks for Casey and doesn't see him, his worry once again blossoms.

"Chief, where's Casey?"

"He…was right here," Boden turns to the place Casey had been standing and then back at Severide with a heavy frown. "Go find him."

"On it," Severide nods as he pulls away and heads down the hallway in search of Casey. His search on that floor turns out to be fruitless so he wanders down to the main floor and past the ER area. His eyes happen to spy a cap of mussed dirty blond hair and his eyes slightly narrow as he notices the doctor entreat Casey to follow him. _What the hell is going on? Was Matt injured?_

"Don't say it," Casey groans as he looks up from the small examining table just as Severide appears with a concerned and expectant expression.

"What the hell happened in there?" Severide demands with a sharper tone than even he expected.

"Snagged my side on something."

"Yeah an inmate with a knife," Severide huffs as he moves toward Casey to help him gently remove his undershirt. He looks at the sticky wound and frowns.

"I'm fine."

"You're lying," Severide out rightly accuse.

Casey looks up with a soft remorse-filled expression that instantly forces Severide's heated anger at Casey's lie to instantly subside. He steps back as the doctor enters and watches in deft silence as he cleans and then applies a few stitches to Casey's side before placing a thick bandage over it and giving him back his shirt.

"Come on," Severide entreats as he takes Casey by the arm and helps him stand up. "So much for your promise on not taking any more needless risks."

"I didn't actually promise," Casey retorts as Severide stops walking; both of them a few feet outside the ER exit doors. "Hermann has a family and I have…" Casey tries to qualify.

"Nothing?" Severide turns to him sharply. "You keep telling yourself that and you really will have nothing!" He growls before he takes a step back and shakes his head. "You think because you don't have a wife and kids to go home to, that your life is less valuable?"

"Yes," Casey returns the glare before he tries to storm past. "Move."

"We've been here before as I recall. Having this same discussion after you did something stupid that nearly cost you your life! What happened to no more Rambo Casey?"

"I'll start that tomorrow."

"Damn it Matt."

"I don't answer to you Kelly. I did what I did in that moment and I would do the same thing again if I had to."

"You did that because you think no one cares," Severide challenges.

"I _heard_ what you said."

Without being able to offer something else to Casey, Severide can only watch Casey storm past him toward a waiting cab and get in, slamming the door so hard he was sure Casey would have to offer an extra tip to make up for his mishandling of the vehicle.

"Stupid…stubborn…" Severide growls before he feels a set of eyes watching and turns to see Boden looking at him intently. "I can't watch him self destruct like this."

"Casey's raw right now."

"And he's not thinking," Severide argues back. "I get wanting to trade his life for Hermann's but…"

"But all you could do was listen and wait and not act; not able to save a life of someone you care about, something you're not fond of doing," Boden reminds him kindly as Severide nods and looks away. "It worked out in Casey's favor."

"This time Chief," Severide turns back with a light growl. "I can't just watch him…" his voice trails off as he looks away once again. "He won't open up to me."

"Go there."

"What?"

"Go to Casey's right now. Bring dinner…bring beer…bring whatever you have to to make him open up and listen. He said he heard you say you care. Now you need to really show him you mean those words."

"Can I duct tape him to the kitchen chair?" Severide lightly retorts as Boden gently smirks. "I'm really worried."

"I am too. Call me if you need anything."

Severide gives Boden a nod before he heads for home to get changed and then head to Casey's with a plan to apologize but then try to get him to open up and talk about what he's been keeping from him and everyone else; the guise of _'I'm fine' _crumbling fast but wanting to heed Boden's advice and put into actions the words he's so fond of spouting off. _I do care…I need to show it better._

"He has no right…" Casey's voice trails off as he enters his home, slams the door without locking it and storms toward his bedroom, shedding his work clothes on the floor and not much caring about anything else around him. But as soon as he starts to look around at the disarray and allows silence to smother him, he slumps down on the nearest chair he can find and bows his head; his eyes instantly watering.

On the drive over to Casey's, Severide tries to shelve his frustration, telling himself that he'd find Casey sitting in front of the TV eating something unhealthy and drowning in his miserable sorrow. He just didn't prepare himself for the state of miserable reality that Casey goes home to each night and now lives in.

"Casey?" Severide gently knocks; his brow furrowing as he's able to open the unlocked door with relative ease. He takes a step inside and then stands and stares at the landscape before him in utter, horrified shock. "Oh damn," he whispers. Casey's home, which his normally the picture of neat and tidy was littered with empty fast food cartons, old newspapers and clothes strewn everywhere.

He takes a few steps further and stops as he notices Casey's frame slumped over the table before Casey turns and looks at him in utter defeat; Severide instantly trying in vain to swallow back the firm lump of emotion that had formed in seconds. He takes in the soft teary eyed expression and feels his heart break as he takes a step closer.

_"I don't know what's real anymore," _Casey admits humbly as Severide nears him.

"Damn it Matt," Severide huffs as he offers his arms in a comforting embrace; Casey numbly falling into his grasp and just clinging to his friend with all the strength he had left.

"I don't know…anymore. I keep seeing myself walking up with Hallie and then…seeing her dead," he laments in sorrow as Severide's eyes look around the disappointing dwelling. Of course he was depressed; this wasn't helping to lift his mood at all. "I come home…alone, every night…I can't…"

"Just let it out okay?" Severide tenderly entreats as Casey's frame starts to heave in his grasp. His hand gently strokes Casey's trembling back until Casey's sobs finally die down and he pulls back with a soft expression. "I uh…wow I didn't know. Why didn't you say something about this?" Severide asks almost rhetorically.

"No one's problem," Casey replies as he turns around and stares blankly at the messy area before him.

"It's my problem now," Severide states firmly as Casey looks up with a soft frown, defeated watery eyes and a slightly turned down lip; the expression instantly forcing his own eyes to water and stomach to tighten. "You know I live with a clean freak. Damn Shay vacuums at like three in the morning," Severide mumbles as he leads Casey back to the living room chair and helps him ease himself back down. "So here's the plan. I'm going to do a quick clean up, get you some fresh clothes and you're spending the next few days with us."

"Kelly…"

"Chief said I could use duct tape if I had to," Severide quips as Casey purses his lips. "Shay helped me through Andy's death. I wanted to be alone but she refused to let me. I am now refusing to let you be whether you want it or not."

He had expected another verbal rebuttal, but Casey merely nods in grateful resignation; Severide's lips actually uttering a thankful sigh as he nods and then gets to work. He heads into the kitchen and pulls open the fridge, shaking his head at the bleak shelves and feeling his agitation soar. But Casey had agreed to his help so the time for lecturing was put on hold in favor of taking care of his friend for the next few days. Talk was cheap if not backed with actions and offering to help someone meant little if not backed by a heartfelt plan put in motion. The time to act was now.

About five minutes later, he notices Casey finally get up and start to clean away some of the empty food boxes from off the table, his lips still not offering much more than a few anguished sobs to break the silence but it was better than him just sitting and moping the entire time.

Once the food cartons were cleaned up, Severide looks at the clothes strewn haphazardly around and then at Casey who shrugs. "Where's your laundry basket? You have one right?"

"Upstairs," Casey answers in truth as he took takes a handful of clothes and trudges upstairs; dumping the dirty clothing unceremoniously on the floor before turning to face Severide with a weary gaze. "Thanks for the help."

"Not over yet. Get some clothes and…"

"Kelly…"

"I'm not arguing here Matt. You are not staying here alone for a few days. So pack unless you want me to pack for you."

"That would be a disaster," Casey mutters, bringing a small smirk to Severide's lips as he trails after Matt to his closet and then spies his black duffle back.

"Fill er up!" He offers with a small smile as Casey's face finally softens. "Really hurts to see you this broken."

"I feel numb all the time."

"This has to pass right? Eight years. You don't let go of it overnight so stop expecting to. But you gotta stop isolating yourself like this. It's not good. I gave you a spare key last year right? You still have it?"

"I do," Casey answers in truth; reconsidering the argument he had quickly thought of but let just as quickly dissipate.

"Don't forget your jammies," Severide teases as he tosses Casey a pair of black sweat pants.

"Stay out of my underwear drawer."

"Why you have something in there I should know about?" Severide jokes back; his mind reveling in the small but upbeat tone in Casey words.

"Yeah my life savings."

"No wonder you can't afford a better truck," Severide counters as Casey looks up with a purse-lipped expression.

He had successfully deflected the conversation toward vehicles, helping Casey pack up and making a mental note to tell Shay about Casey's laundry situation. The rest of the house was for the most part cleaned up; but was starting to smell musty and Severide knows as much as he hates to even suggest it, a move actually might do Casey some good. But it wasn't something he would even dare to think about suggesting just yet. That time would come.

"All set?" Severide asks somewhat impatiently as Casey finally pulls on his jacket.

"Yup," Casey nods and replies under his breath as he gathers up his duffle bag and allows Severide to almost push him out the door while he locks up and then leads him to his waiting car. The conversation on the ride over is kept light, Severide not really wanting to tell Casey about Shay's fertility not working as Casey was already raw at seeing all the joy from the Hermann clan earlier. It was no secret Matt Casey wanted children. But why kick a man when he was already down?

He had texted Shay on the way over and after the spare room was made up, she had set about making a hearty meal for all three of them; their fridge well stocked and ready to host the party of three for the next few days. Severide had also texted Boden and told him that he was taking Casey to his place but that he was in bad shape.

_'He'll need you now more than ever Kelly. Just be there for him.'_

And that's what he had planned from that moment on. But more than just saying it – he would prove it by his caring actions.

"Alright hope you like bear," Severide jokes as Casey looks over in horror. "Kidding."

"You sure?"

"Ask Shay, she made…it," Severide snickers as they enter the neatly manicured loft apartment, Shay approaching with a sympathetic expression.

"Hey," she greets Casey with a warm hug, holding him close a few seconds before she pulls back; Severide taking his bag to the spare room as she leads Casey into the kitchen for supper.

"Is it bear?"

"You told him its bear?" Shay scolds Severide, earning a small chuckle from Casey. "It's actually lamb."

"Its um…it's good but…"

"He's eating it all," Severide quickly interjects. "Duct tape remember?" He smiles before he looks at Shay.

"He said he'd duct tape me to the chair," Casey informs Shay as Shay then turns and glares at Severide who shrugs.

"What? The Chief said it was okay," he shrugs and then goes back to his meal.

The conversation is kept light, talking about the jail fire, the newest addition to the Hermann clan, no words about Shay's not being pregnant and nothing further about Hallie's untimely passing. After dinner was over, Severide watches as Casey, who after thanking them for the great meal, politely excuses himself and then heads upstairs, literally collapsing on the small bed and sinking into darkness due to sheer emotional and physical exhaustion.

"At least he ate his whole meal," Shay comments softly as she looks at Severide in concern.

"His place…damn Shay he's so raw and he didn't say a word about anything," Severide groans as he leans back in his chair.

"He's here now," she reminds him with a pat to his hand. "We'll fatten him up over these next few days and tomorrow while you two goof off I'll go do laundry."

"Goof off?"

"He needs it."

"I know," Severide agrees before he pulls away from the table and carefully heads upstairs. He pauses in the entranceway to the bedroom and frowns at Casey's sprawled form on the bed before taking a few steps closer and then gently covering him with the quilt. He notices the etched look of grief on Casey's sleeping face and can't help but feel his own angry frustration starting to surge.

"You'll never be alone again," Severide whispers as he turns out the light and bathes Casey's frame in darkness. "I promise."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I had planed to only make this a one shot but want to explore a bit more for our boys in this setting/theme (Casey's angsty grief and Severide helping him through it) that I have decided to expand upon it and hope that's okay! (you all like longer stories right?)  
What a way to end an amazing first season and here's to at least 10 more seasons of Chicago Fire (hey SVU just got season 15 lol its possible!) I hope you all liked the start to this angsty piece and as always would love your thoughts before you go if you want more. Please also let me know if you'll be around for the summer and would like some more story updates to carry you through to the new fall season! Thanks everyone you rock!


	2. Strengthening an Existing Bond

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 2 – Strengthening an Existing Bond **

**A/N:** Hey thanks everyone for the awesome response for chapter 1! I have a few things I want this ficlet to cover and its gonna be mostly angsty (as in you might need a Kleenex or two handy-see I warned this time!) but I have a few happy times planned for our boys also so hope you like the rest of this as much as chapter 1!

* * *

_"You'll never be alone again," Severide whispers as he turns out the light and bathes Casey's frame in darkness. "I promise."_

Casey's mind takes much comfort in Severide's whispered words and he tries to tell his brain to hold onto that positive thought throughout the night; he was at his friend's and just needed to rest. But it wasn't long before his nightly ritual starts to manifest itself, Casey's mind replaying the tormented scene of Hallie's burnt and unmoving corpse before his eyes, his eyes shedding hears and his lips begging her over and over to wake up and look at him; his stomach lurching and his watery eyes snapping open as he bolts upright in bed. His hand quickly covers his mouth as he stumbles toward the bathroom, leans over and throws up whatever bits of bile and dinner his stomach hadn't quite disposed of.

"Damn…" Casey whispers in the dimly lit bathroom before he flushes the toilet and tries to stand upright. A sharp pang of agitation grabs a hold of his stomach as his left hand wraps around it, his right hand reaching for the hallway light but then pulling back so as not to awaken the other two in the quiet apartment; his mind reminding him at the last second he's not at home.

Casey manages to get downstairs, heading for the kitchen and wanting something to ease the agitation in his insides. He flips on a small light and then pulls open the fridge, reaching for package of frozen vegetables and holding it up against his enflamed forehead. A few seconds later he puts the bag back into the small freezer portion, closes the door and then looks at the contents of the fridge, his brain urging him to reach for something non acidic.

But as his mind starts to realize the reality of why he's actually staying at Severide's, Casey closes the fridge and allows his eyes to go in search of the last thing he needs. "Whisky," Casey whispers as he takes a few steps to the right, reaches for the bottle and then goes in search of a glass. When he can't find one, he merely pulls off the top and takes a few hearty gulps, lowering the bottle as his stomach instantly rebels and his lips gently sputter.

"This is wrong."

Casey hears the tormented sentiment and turns to see Severide watching him in concern.

"Hasn't hurt me yet," Casey mutters as he turns around to take another swig. But before he can bring the neck of the bottle to his mouth once again, Severide's hands are clamped on the bottle and trying to pry it from his grasp.

"Don't do this to yourself!" Severide growls as he refuses to give up; giving the bottle a good yank. Casey, in his sleep deprived and nutritionally weakened condition doesn't have much fight and easily surrenders the bottle of golden poison and curses his friend. "You curse me? Matt…this…what you're doing to yourself when you think no one is watching is wrong!" Severide gently hisses as he closes the bottle of whiskey; Casey giving him a small glare before he turns to leave.

"Who cares!" Casey bites back.

"I do. Mat…damn it, hold on a sec."

"Everyone grieves in their own way," Casey stammers as he tries to get his coat.

"This isn't a healthy part of the grieving process. I'm not letting you leave like this."

"Not letting me?" Casey arches his weary brows.

"Trust me it wouldn't take much for me to stop you. Just…don't let it come to that," Severide begs in concern. "You're hurting enough."

"Maybe I deserve it…" Casey groans as he turns away, his shoulders slumping and his defeated actions forcing Severide's heart to sink and his brow to furrow heavily. Before Casey's weary frame can escape up the stairs, Severide's hand clamps onto his forearm and gently steers him toward the darkened living room; both of them easing down onto the couch a few feet apart.

"None of this is your fault. We talked about this. They got the man responsible for…"

"Doesn't matter. I did this. I pushed her and…"

"She came back for you," Severide reminds him as Casey's head slightly bows and his eyes gently mist. "You know she'd never blame you."

"I blame me."

"I get that but you can't keep doing this to yourself. Not sleeping, all the drinking…throwing up or not even eating. No wonder you look like you've lost weight."

"Nothing matters right now," Casey states with a frustrated huff as he looks up and absently stares at his glum silhouette on the dark wall before him. "Nothing. I still have her number in my phone…our date outing for next week marked on the calendar on the fridge…I just can't…I can't accept it's real. She came back…she had a plan for our future…and I was…happy. Kelly she's the only one I've wanted," Casey admits in misery as he shakes his head and quickly rubs his eyes. "And now…nothing."

"Matt…"

"I don't care about anything. The house…what I eat…my future…I knew her before and how…how do you let go of almost ten years?" Casey lifts his anguished gaze and looks at Severide just a tear escapes his glistening sapphire pools and runs down his flushed face.

"Here," Severide reaches for the nearby box of Kleenex and hands it to Casey and purses his lips. "You don't let go. Matt why are you trying to force yourself to let go of it so soon?"

"Because then…then it's not real. Then I can tell myself she's just gone away on another trip and…and her death isn't real," Casey looks back down in sorrow. "I know that's stupid."

"No…not stupid…just painful to hear."

"I know she's dead I just can't…"

"Accept it," Severide interjects as Casey nods in confirmation. "I wish I had something better to say…to take away your pain but I don't," Severide huffs as he looks away as he feels his own eyes wanting to water at Casey's defeated posture and soft whimpers. "It hurts me to see you so broken but I know that only time will help you come to terms with it."

"I know," Casey utters in a tone so soft Severide nearly has to lean in closer to hear him. "I loved…love…I still love her."

"And that's normal right? Just because someone dies doesn't mean you stop loving them," Severide reminds Casey of something both of them already know so well.

"I know," Casey repeats in a soft tone as he looks at Severide in misery. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll um…just stay here for a bit and…"

"Want some company?"

Casey hears the sincere pleading request in Severide's tone but pauses before he shoos him away in haste. In reality he didn't want to be alone and deep inside was utterly grateful for Severide's strength; knowing he was the only one that could get him through this and help him remain objective.

"You sure?" Casey asks in wonder.

"Shift's over and we have the next few days off so…" Severide's voice trails off as he reaches for the remote, "we can sleep in and let Shay make us breakfast."

"Kelly…"

"You know duct tape works on mouths too," Severide snickers as Casey merely shakes his head. "You're staying with us and that's final. Besides…" he pauses to exhale heavily, "it'll be a good distraction for us all."

"My misery?"

"Misery loves company right?" Severide quips as he turns to the cartoon channel.

"Cartoons?"

"Should be something non stressful," Severide answers in haste as he looks over at Casey with a small smile. But as he studies Casey's tight jaw and rigid posture he knows that it would take a bit more coaxing before Casey could allow himself the proper mindset to grieve and then work at rebuilding his life – literally from the ashes up.

Severide keeps the volume on low, a few light chuckles accompany the lame antics on the big screen before them; the morose discussion on hold for another time. But it's not long before Severide glances over to see Casey somewhat slumped over and gently removes himself from his end of the couch and heads for the hall closet to get a blanket. As much as he wants to get Casey back upstairs into his temporary bed, he knows that sleep – no matter where, was better than nothing and to disturb him now might defeat the purpose of rest. As carefully as possible, so as not to awaken his sleeping houseguest, Severide gently arranges Casey on the couch in a more comfortable position and covers him with the blanket; Casey's weary frame not putting up much of a protest at all.

But as he turns and heads for the stairs, he pauses and looks at the bottle of whiskey still situated prominently on top of the counter and then turns back to gaze at Casey's sleeping form. _What if he gets back up in the middle of the night and drinks? I have to try to curb that bad habit,_ Severide's mind ponders, forcing his body to change course, go and get the other blanket from the hall closet and head for the adjoining couch. The night's sleep wouldn't be as peaceful as it should be, but it was a sacrifice he's willing to make to keep Casey close.

XXXXXXXX

Having also spent a restless night, Shay awakens early the next morning, her mind also wondering how Casey had fared after their somewhat strained dinner. But as she ponders her miserable predicament she allows her mind to face the grim reality of what Casey's suffering. She could still try again for a child if she so wanted or even adopt. Hallie was gone and no amount of money or wishful thinking would bring her back and ease Casey's pain and suffering. She slowly gets up and heads into the hallway, her senses begging for some coffee to start the day off right. She nears Kelly's room and frowns at the open door, poking her head inside to see his bed rumpled but him missing. Odd. Odder still is the fact that Casey too is missing from his messy bed.

"Maybe they went for a run," she muses as she lightly pads down the wooden stairs. But as she reaches the bottom she spies the objects of her wonder; Severide's body slightly stirring and his sleepy eyes opening to look at her. His finger races for his lips to give her the 'shhh' sign as both fix their glance on Casey's docile expression as he sleeps; Severide not wanting to wake his sleeping guest just yet. Shay nods before she turns and heads back upstairs, telling herself to take a shower do a few things first and then come down and start breakfast.

Both her and Kelly had agreed the night before that Casey would have to get at least three hearty meals a day or they'd literally watch him waste away to nothing before their eyes and not be able to do anything about it.

Severide looks over at Casey's sleeping form and can't help but offer a tender smile. But once again his mind trails back to when he found Casey nearly slumped over his dinning room table; clouded in misery and sorrow his smile droops and his frown strengthens. _Can't let him face that again…not alone like that…he'll self-destruct…_his thoughts trail off as he rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling.

_Gotta keep him busy for the next few days…good meals…good friends and only positive talk…_was the plan he and Shay discussed the night before. Helping Casey rebuild was the only way to help him succeed – something they both want for him. He looks back at Casey to see Casey's warm blue eyes slowly opening and gives him a small good morning nod.

"Morning," Casey yawns as he stretches on the couch and then curls onto his side, looking at Severide with a weary expression. "You slept there?"

"Too tired to climb the stairs," Severide shrugs. "No big deal."

"Do I snore?"

"Not really. You kinda talk in your sleep though."

"What'd I say?"

"Mouch get me a sandwich? I think…or was it Otis?" Severide lightly snickers as Casey's face softens. "Sandwich?"

"Something I told Hallie the day s…before…something I said before," Casey groans as he stretches once more and then slowly uprights himself and rubs his weary face.

"You don't have to get up yet if you don't want to."

"Kelly I appreciate your hospitality last night but I'll be okay," Casey tries as Severide slowly stands up and looks at him with a frown.

"Okay? Matt you're not going home alone yet."

"I'll just keep busy and…"

"Drink only and not eat or sleep?" Severide asks somewhat crossly before he backs down. "I can't let you do that…I won't," he insists as Casey looks at him in frustration.

"You can't stop me," Casey gently hisses back.

"Trust me I will if I have to."

"Really?"

The two of them hear a soft cough and both look up to see Shay watching in wonder.

"When does the angry wrestling match start?" She asks in amusement. "Sorry Matt but my money's on Kelly this time."

"You're staying here and that's final," Severide turns back to Casey with a triumphant grin.

Casey gives Shay a small headshake before he looks at Severide and finally nods in resignation. "Okay…you win."

"Course we win," Shay grins as she heads past them toward the kitchen. She eyes the bottle of whisky on the counter but says nothing, silently putting it away as the two men tidy up the living room and then head upstairs to get ready for the day.

"What happened last night?" Shay asks in an undertone as Severide enters the kitchen; Casey upstairs still getting ready.

"He threw up supper and then went for the bottle," Severide groans as he looks at her in concern. "I'm worried."

"I know you are," she replies as her hand rests on his and gives it a friendly pat. "He looks…weak."

"He sounds so defeated and listening to him…Shay I feel helpless. I don't know what to say and then he pushes my buttons because he knows how to and I get angry and…and it's not fair. But I know we can't let him go back there alone. We can't."

"We won't," she tells him firmly. "What's the plan for today?"

"Weather looks good. Thought maybe I'd take him to the golf course to at least hit some balls and just get some of that frustration out. Had suggested working on a boat or something but then not sure he'd want to concentrate on that. I don't know," Severide looks away with a weary sigh. "Just something to keep him busy and away from home for a bit."

"That bad huh?"

"You'll see," Severide huffs as he pulls the spare key Casey had given him and hands it to Shay. "You sure?"

"Like you said…keeps me busy and away from home for a bit," she retorts as Casey finally appears. "Okay so who wants waffles?"

"Waffles?" Casey looks at both of them in surprise.

"New waffle maker. The last ones were…edible."

"The last ones….okay so this batch will be better," Shay insists as Severide chuckles, earning a small swat from his roommate before he heads for the coffee maker.

"Waffles would be great. So uh…anything I can do to help?"

"Fry our bacon," Shay deadpans as she hands him the half used pack of bacon.

"That I can do. Frying pan?"

"Here," Severide gestures with his foot to the bottom pull out drawer of the stove.

Each of them go about their assigned task; Severide and Shay making sure that much like the night before at dinner, the conversation is light and non-confrontational; the TV in the background playing softly and adding some soft background white noise. After breakfast the three of them sit around the table, sipping the remnants of their coffee and talking about the sport highlights on the TV. About half hour later, Shay takes her leave, not making a big fuss in front of either Casey or Severide about taking the spare key to Casey's place so she could do the laundry and just freshen up the place a little bit before Casey's return.

"You know I don't mind just hanging….or whatever," Casey mutters as Severide ushers him into the hallway.

"Trust me you need to let off some steam as well and wrapping your lips around a bottle isn't what I had in mind."

"Better than wrapping my lips around the end of a g…" Casey starts and then stops as Severide looks at him in shock. "Kelly…"

"It will never come to that," Severide tells him in a firm tone. "Never," he shakes his head. "Don't even…it just won't. Come on now," he hands Casey his jacket and waits. As much as he wants to fall back on fatigue or reluctance, for the first time a week or two, he's actually thankful that someone else is taking the reigns in offering something for him to do in his spare time; something he doesn't have to worry about and someone he trusts who actually cares about his wellbeing and only having his best interests at heart.

"Let's go," Severide tells him in a kind tone as they exit the apartment and head for the elevator. Severide directs the bulk of the conversation as they ride down in the elevator; not telling Casey about the two sets of golf clubs already packed into the trunk and waiting to be used.

"So…where are we going?" Casey dares to inquire as they head toward a familiar part of town away from the downtown core.

"Trust me you'll like it," Severide assures him in haste.

Casey can only nod as they near the entrance to the golf course, glancing over at Severide who merely smiles in return. "I'm just not in the mood for…"

"Just the driving range today. Hey wackin' those dang balls releases a lot of tension," Severide tells him seriously as he brings the car to a stop and looks at Casey in concern. "You just need to concentrate on something other than…you today."

"I know," Casey nods as he looks out the window with a stony glace. "Mom called the other day. Just um…said she's sorry and that was about it. She never liked Hallie…Hallie always stood up to her and mom always liked people she could bully or who seemed to just bow to her false charm. Hallie saw through it and…and I loved that about her…really did," Casey admits with a heavy sigh; his mournful sapphire gaze still fixed outside the window. "Made me angry all over again."

"Sorry," Severide offers in remorse as Casey turns and looks back at him in sorrow. "Has Christie called?"

"She has. We met for coffee night before last. Was nice. Unlike mom she always liked Hallie and told me she was worth waiting for. She was right."

"She was," Severide agrees as Casey's eyes slightly widen. "Was always a bit jealous of you two," he confesses with a soft smile. "You had something so special and me…I got a string of one night stands behind me that…alright I did promise no sad stuff today right?"

"You tried."

"Better stick to that or else Shay will kick my…"

"Both our asses," Casey interjects with a small chuckle as they get out of the car and head for the trunk.

"Dad's set," Severide informs Casey as he reaches for the other set of golf clubs but pauses. "He forgot them about a week ago and won't mind. Trust me."

"Okay," Casey nods as he picks up the set and they both head for the entrance to the golf course, stepping into the pro shop to pay for the use of the driving range; casually talking about their last golf outing. Casey slowly mills around the pro shop, aimlessly looking at a few things before he hears his first name being called and turns to follow Severide to where they'd each collect their bucket of balls and head for which ever driving stations were open.

"You paid for one hundred each? You sure I'll get through them all?" Casey chances to ask as he looks down at the somewhat daunting pile.

"Just picture Voight's face on each one and you will," Severide chuckles as Casey looks up in amusement. "I picture Tara's. Trust me it'll work."

"That…I can do," Casey nods in agreement as he arranges his tee and affixes the ball on top. He lines up the swing but can only curse as his tense posture fails to carry through the rest of the shot and the ball doesn't go as far as he'd like. "Damn…" he curses gently, mindful of the handful of other patrons around him who didn't pay to hear him using colorful and unnecessary obscenities. "Isn't working," Casey growls.

"You've only hit one," Severide groans as his large wooden club head cracks the front of the ball, sending it sailing through the air and landing a few hundred meters away. His gaze slightly clouds as he watches Casey's fingers tremble somewhat and the ball fall off the tee, Casey looking up in remorse. "No one's watching," Severide gently reminds him in truth.

The second shot for Casey has a lot more success so with a renewed sense of enthusiasm, Casey lines up another and then another and then another; pausing about half way down the bucket. He slumps down on the small bench and watches Severide hit his 50th ball and then head back and ease himself down onto the other end of the bench.

"Hallie liked golf," Casey mentions with a soft smile. "Remember we came one time and there was only a set of pink clubs left to rent and she thought they would make her stand out on the course."

"Did they?" Severide asks after as few seconds of mounting silence.

"Yeah but in a good way," Casey answers in truth. "She kicked my butt and the two guys behind us," he adds proudly. "After that she bought herself a pink set and that was it. It was fun."

"Sounded fun," Severide agrees; knowing inside that he couldn't do much, other than be a supportive friend and not stop Casey from expression his grief in whichever way he wanted; except if the way was self-destructive – that he was determined to stop no matter the cost.

"It was," Casey whispers as he pushes himself back up, slowly saunters toward the waiting tee, lines up a new ball and lets his club fly. This time all his inner anger and frustration line up on the Voight ball and it sails toward the third marker.

"Nice," Severide grins as he stands up and joins Casey, giving him a friendly pat on the back. "Almost as good as me."

"Almost? Oh that was better."

"Hardly. You're a greenhorn," Severide jokes.

"Friendly wager?" Casey dares.

"Oh you're on. Terms? Can't be dinner, Shay's cooking."

"Kelly…"

"Matt trust me, she offered. It's good for her to keep busy – hey those are her words not mine. I offered to take us out."

"Furthest ball takes the three of us out for dinner tomorrow night," Casey suggests.

More than satisfied with those terms, Severide grins and nods, as they both line up their balls and prepare to hit them at the same time. "Okay on the count of three. One…"

"Three," Casey snickers as he hits the ball, Severide hitting it second before he shoots Casey a mock but warning glance. "I heard three."

"You are such a cheater," Severide shakes his head as they both line up their little white balls once more and prepare to this them – this time hitting them at exactly the same time, on the count of three. "Mine's further."

"Is not, mine is," Casey proudly boasts.

"Just wait until we play an actual round."

"Kelly…"

"Hey I promised cigars and golfing right? Can't smoke in here so we'll do it out there. Now hush and practice. You need it," he snickers as he hits one out of turn, earning a small headshake from Casey in return. The two of them continue for another hour, both of them pretty even until Severide notices Casey starting to tire and starts to pull back on his swings a little; not wanting to make him feel more defeated than he fears he still feels inside. The purpose of the outing was to naturally tire Casey out but also to come away feeling refreshed and upbuilt a little; blowing him away each turn wouldn't bolster self confidence in any way.

"True," Casey concedes as he pulls back on his last tired swing and allows the club in his arm to slide to the ground, his hand wrapping around the end of the handle to keep it from falling to the floor entirely. "I know you said Shay went…Kelly…" Casey's lips mutter incoherently as he takes a deep breath and frowns.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just…"

"Small panic attack?"

"Memories," Casey confesses in a small voice as they head for Severide's car, stowing the clubs in the trunk and then getting into the cabin of the waiting vehicle.

"Okay," Severide nods as he starts up his car and they pull away. On the way back to the loft, Casey falls into a somber silence; Severide's mind racing to come up with something to distract him with. He finally settles back on something humorous Pouch did, the lovable pooch a neutral topic to discuss but Casey's tone still tight and thick with growing emotion. During the day he was fine, it was heading into the nighttime hour, when he was used to being alone that Severide fears his friend will withdraw into his emotional cave of despair and wither away.

"Hey we're home!" Severide calls out as they enter the aromatic smelling apartment.

"Smells…good," Casey is forced to comment with a friendly smile as he and Severide hang up their coats in the closet and head into the kitchen area.

"Its…stew," Shay tells them with a smile. "How'd you do?"

"I won."

"You did not," Casey lightly argues back.

"Thought it was a friendly outing?" Shay arches her brows in wonder.

"It was and Casey won," Severide grins. "Just means he gets to buy dinner for us all tomorrow night."

"He's making you buy dinner?"

"I agreed to the terms fair and square," Casey replies with a small shrug as he pulls away and heads for the stairs; Shay looking at Severide in haste.

"He did agree. It was a fun outing. Had its tense moments but um…but I think night is the worst for him."

"So dinner…movie…"

"We just gotta keep him busy until he gets tired on his own. I don't know Shay, I've never seen him this…this broken. It's hard. I don't know what to say half the time so just sit there and listen."

"Am sure just having you there is enough. He needs you right now. Your only agenda is to be his friend and get him back on his feet. His place was a mess."

"I know. Thanks for doing that."

"I didn't mind. I went on to LavaLife during the wash cycles to see what I could find," she grins.

"And?" He asks with a smile.

"A few potentials. Okay go have a shower and then…we'll eat."

"Okay."

Severide pulls away and heads for stairs, pausing at the top as he hears Casey rummaging around in the spare room and offering a small curse. His lips purse but he fights back the instinct to push the door open and ask if he was okay; reminding himself that he's not Casey's babysitter, but caring friend and maybe right now protective guardian but that didn't mean smothering him or suffocating him; that could have the opposite effect of what he wants for his friend. So with a heavy sigh, he heads for his bedroom, to have a quick shower and then rejoin Shay and Casey for supper and then just relax.

About twenty minutes later he reemerges into the quiet hallway and heads downstairs. But as he gets lower his mind starts to wonder about the silence that now greets him.

"Shay?" Severide calls out with a frown as he pulls back from the empty living room.

"Hey you two ready…what?" She asks in concern as Severide takes a cue from that and turns and hurries back up the stairs. "Kelly, what's going on?" Shay inquires as she follows after Severide; both heading for the spare bedroom.

"Damn it Shay!" Severide curses as he turns back with a heavy frown. "Matt's gone."

* * *

**A/N:** so yeah lots of angst in here for our boys but did interject a few humorous bits in there and hope you all liked it. how'd you like their first outing? The second actual game will be coming also but any thoughts as to where Casey's gone? And what condition will Severide finally find him in? Would so love your thoughts on this so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	3. Creating A New Plan?

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 3 – Creating A New Plan?**

* * *

Severide wastes no time in bolting for the door, his mind racing but pausing long enough to remind him to grab his keys and phone; his jacket already half way on.

"Kelly go easy on him," Shay gently reminds him as he gives her a nod and races into the hallway. But he knows that since he didn't tell her everything Matt had told him or even hinted at; his fear was a bit more heightened than she could even guess.

"Matt…buddy…don't do this," Severide's lips mutter as he gets into his car and dials Casey's cell number. "Come on…pick up…please pick up," he begs as he just gets Casey's voice mail once again and can only curse in response. There would normally be a few places he could go to check, one being Casey's home itself or even his father's memorial tomb but with Hallie's death still so fresh and raw on his mind and eating away at his heart he makes a right and heads for the one place he feels his tormented best friend might be.

Severide slows his car in front of the burnt out medical clinic and frowns as his eyes frantically scan the area. He can only utter a low curse when he sees nothing; slowly getting out of the car and searching the surrounding area. "Damn it Matt where are you!" He growls before he turns to head back for his car; his mind really racing now as to where Casey could be instead.

But just before he gets in, a dark moving shadow catches his eye and he halts in his tracks. "Matt?" He whispers as he heads for the barricaded front door. Giving his head a small shake he hurries around to the back and looks at the heavy security door and the lock and knows that since it's not busted Casey must have had keys – Hallie's keys. Severide quietly slips inside and heads toward the charred area; pausing as he hears quiet talking.

"Hallie…god I miss you…" Casey's voice breaks; Severide's throat instantly forming a lump of emotion. It made sense – this was the last place they shared a happy moment and Casey's mind wanted to relive some of that, or make sense of why it would forever be the last.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here…sorry that I failed to keep you safe as I had once vowed to do."

Severide's eyes slightly water as he hears Casey sniffle and then utter a small sob.

"I'm sorry," Casey whispers in misery. "We had…so many plans…so many dreams…and now…I miss you."

Severide hears a clatter and rushes into the room to see Casey sprawling on the floor looking up at him in shock.

"Kelly," Casey stammers as he tries to rub his watery eyes; Severide's hand on his forearm and helping him get upright.

"Don't rub your eyes like that," Severide tenderly instructs as he pulls Casey's soot covered hand away from his face before he could get more of the stinging residue into his watery pools.

"Why are you here?" Casey grumbles as he jerks his arm free.

"After what you told me can you blame me for being a bit paranoid?" Severide retorts with a worried frown.

"You followed me?"

"Not exactly," he replies in truth. "Figured you'd be here. I remember Boden told us after he lost his um…well his first…he returned to the scene to see what he could have done differently…replay in his mind what happened and how he could learn from it. This place…I just knew."

"I should have been here."

"You couldn't have known," Severide reminds him in a kind tone; Casey turning back and looking at him in misery before a few salty droplets escape his eyes and make soft trails down his darkened skin. "Matt I'm so sorry," Severide huffs, almost unable to see his friend in such an anguished state.

"The fire started here right? So that means…" Casey's voice trails off as he barges past Severide and heads toward the room Hallie was found in. "If I had only…"

"Matt she was gone before…"

"I COULD HAVE SAVED HER!"

"NO YOU COULDN'T HAVE!" Severide shouts back as the two of them stand face to face in the blackened compartment.

"I could have…I could…," Casey's voice drops to a deft whisper; Severide's heart shattering as Casey's eyes flood once more and he looks away. "She…she shouldn't have been here," he shakes his head. "I've tried to make sense of it…but I can't. Kelly I can't and I just…I can't," his voice dies out as his shoulders droop.

Severide slowly heads toward his friend, gently turning him around and offering him a supportive hug; Casey's frame once again sagging into his and his lips uttering an anguished sob. Severide's strong arms hold him for another few moments before Casey pulls back and nods but says nothing.

The two of them stand in tormented silence for about ten minutes; Casey staring at the location they found Hallie's body and Severide looking at him in concern. Finally his hand rests on Casey's shoulder and gently steers him away.

"Shay's made supper," he mentions as he manages to turn Casey back toward the door and head for the exit; Hallie's keys jingling in his palm. They step outside into the cool night air, Severide waiting in silence as Casey locks up the door and then turns to him with a placid expression.

"I know I should be…um…"

"It won't go away overnight and you can't force it," Severide reminds him again. "Come on now, you know she'd want you to eat something good."

"No more pizza," Casey softly smirks as his teeth grit to keep him from tearing up again. But he takes instant comfort when Severide's arm rests across his shoulders for a few brief seconds before they head onto the street and walk toward his waiting car. "You know I'm not even a big fan of pizza; it was just something easy to make," he rambles on as his eyes absently stare out the window.

"You like cooking remember," Severide offers in a softer tone.

"You saying that so I don't have to take you out for supper tomorrow night?"

"Ha you won that fair and square that bets still on," he replies with a small smile; Casey's face relaxing into an agreeable nod but not fully embracing a grin as of yet. They finally reach the apartment; Casey entering with a sheepish grin as Shay approaches.

"Sorry I held you guys up," Casey mentions in remorse.

"Wasn't quite ready," Shay easily lies. "But it is now…so let's eat."

Casey looks at Severide, his lips opening to offer his refusal as his stomach wasn't quite ready to take in a whole meal, but knows that Severide just might make good on his threat to duct tape him to the chair and force him his meal.

"What are you looking for?"

"Duct tape," Casey smirks as Severide gives him a friendly pat on the back.

"It's around," he teases back as the three of them sit down at the table. Shay expertly steers the conversation toward their golfing outing and then regaling the boys with a few lame tales of her own and how she'd never go back onto the course unless it was a dare, she was really drunk or the caddy looked like Claudia Schiffer.

After dinner the three of them head into the living room to watch the hockey game, slumping down into the couch and once again both Shay and Severide wanting to keep the conversation non-confrontational and focused on the game. Neither of them minded Casey talking about a few hockey dates with Hallie, in fact both would add their own heartwarming anecdotes that focused around Hallie and hockey that Casey would take comfort in hearing about.

"I'll be okay tonight," Casey tells Severide as they prepare to call it a night a few hours later; Shay already having said goodnight and taken her leave.

"But if you ever need anything ask okay? Matt I mean it. That's why you're here, to let us help you get past this tough time and so when you go back home you'll be okay and I…damn I am having a hard time picturing you there by yourself after what I saw."

"I'll be okay."

"That's just it you won't but you're too proud to admit it out loud," Severide gently stammers as Casey's lips emit a heavy sigh.

"I've always looked after myself."

"And I get that okay? But now it's time to let others help you," Severide's word force Casey look at him in frustration. "I can't even imagine what you're thinking, I can't okay? But I won't let you self destruct if I can help it. But you have to let me help you."

"I don't…Kelly I don't even know what to ask for…what to do…sometimes I think I'm fine and then I'm not and other times…" Casey's voice trails off as he turns away. "I'm so used to having the answers and knowing what to do and now…now I don't know anything it seems."

"But that's okay right? This situation is one of the worst you've faced…after your father's death."

"Can I blame my mother for this also?" Casey slightly quips as he turns back with a softened expression.

"Sure," Severide shrugs and smiles before they turn and slowly trudge up the stairs.

"So tomorrow…"

"Let's just get through tonight first," Severide answers as they reach the top. "But tomorrow I'll find something to keep you busy."

"Slave driver," Casey smiles as Severide softly chuckles. He offers his friend a goodnight and then turns and heads into the small spare bedroom and closes the door; slumping down on the bed and staring absently at the wall.

_'Matt….' _He hears Hallie's voice calling his name before a sickening sound and then silence takes over; his eyes watering as he looks down at his slightly shaking hands.

_'When you have a sad moment, force yourself to think on happy thoughts. You have a lot of good ones to choose from – hold onto those,' Boden's reminder is heard resounding through his muddled brain._

The ploy works as Casey forces himself to remember the day he proposed to Hallie, how her warm dark eyes sparkled, her lips uttering yes so fast they both just laughed before they hugged and kissed. That happy thought helps him to get a few solid hours of rest; his body lying back on the bed and curling onto his side in the dark. But it's not long before the tormented thoughts once again seep into his subconscious, ripping him from his happy dreamstate and whisking him into a realm of misery; Hallie calling out to him before darkness consumes them all.

"Ahhhhh!" Casey exclaims with a slight gasp as he bolts upright, his chest heaving and eyes watering. "Damn…" he huffs as he feels his forehead and then looks over at the clock in misery. "Can't…take this…" he stammers in the darkness as his damp head slumps back down and he stares out the window in silent sorrow until fatigue literally pulls his eyelids shut and he reenters his anguished nightmares.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Severide quietly makes his way down the hall, pausing outside Casey's door before daring to peek in and see if his friend was indeed still there.

"Kelly?" Casey's soft voice is heard, making Severide slowly push open the door and poke his head inside.

"Did I wake you?"

"Hardly," Casey replies with a small yawn as he stretches and then rubs his face before slumping back down into the bed and looking up as Severide approaches. "Nightmares. Typical."

"No trips downstairs?"

"Actually didn't feel like it so I guess that's good," Casey answers with a glum tone as he looks over at the clock and then up at his friend. "You're awake early."

"Couldn't sleep. Who sleeps in anymore," he slightly smirks. "Come down when you want okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Severide nods as he pushes himself up away from the edge of the bed and heads back for the door.

"Kelly…" Casey's soft plea pulls him back.

"Yeah?"

Casey looks at him with a tight frown before shaking his head a few seconds later. "Nothing."

"You sure?"

"I am," Casey nods firmly.

"If it becomes something and you wanna talk about it, I'm here okay. I always have that ear to lend."

"Thanks."

Severide holds Casey's tormented gaze a few seconds longer before he finally leaves the room and exhales heavily; the weary expression on his friends face starting to eat away at him inside. He knows he's not fine, but until Casey is willing to acknowledge it freely and openly he fears all he can do is stand by and watch him slowly self-destruct.

"Hey," he greets Shay as he reaches the bottom of the stairs dressed for the day.

"Is he awake?"

"Just got up. Looks tired but I'm not surprise."

"Did he get up last night?" Shay asks in a quiet tone as Severide joins her in the kitchen.

"I heard him thrashing around a bit but not as bad as the night before and at least he didn't drink anything," Severide replies in truth in a low tone as he looks at the staircase and then back at her. "He's just getting up."

"So what's the plan for today?"

"Depends on the weather but old man Morris wants me to fix the engine on his boat so thought it'd take Matt with me and he can work on the hull or something. Physical work is always good right?"

"Beats sitting at home moping," Shay replies with a small huff as Severide looks at her in concern. "I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"I will be?" She counters with a slight frown. "I feel bad complaining about…anything with Matt in so much pain."

"He's your friend too and you know he would never fault you for say anything about that."

"I know but I don't want to burden him," Shay frowns as they both stop and listen as the door upstairs open, footsteps are heard and then the door to the spare bathroom is closed. "At least he's still here."

"I worry about him going back home alone. It's only been a few days and he's still so raw."

"He can stay here as long as he wants."

"You try to convince him," Severide groans.

"Duct tape?" Shay retorts as his face breaks into a smile and nod. "See how today goes."

With the plan set, both of them start into making breakfast; Casey finally emerging dressed and ready for the day.

"How was last night?" Severide asks as he hands Casey a mug of steaming coffee.

"Rough but um…but I made it," Casey mentions with a kind smile as he takes the cup and whispers his thanks.

"So you're going swimming today I hear," Shay remarks as Casey looks up in haste, arching his brows in wonder as he looks at Shay and then at Severide.

"We're not going swimming," Severide groans as Shay snickers and nods her head.

"Kelly, I really don't wan…"

"No one's going swimming," Severide smirks with a head shake as Shay grins. "But we are going near the water."

"Anyone want to fill me in since it involves me right?" Casey suggests.

"Mr. Morris needs some help on his boat so figured while I work on the engine you can help repair the wooden hull."

"Really?"

"And he pays more than just beer."

"I don't mind really," Casey replies in haste. "Think it would be fun."

"Good it's all settled then."

"Someone's going swimming," Shay mutters as she heads out of the kitchen, Severide giving her a small groan in the process.

"You always been into boats?" Casey asks as they head for the docks, this time having left Severide's car at Casey's place in favor of his truck with all the necessary tools already in the back.

"Anything mechanical. Always liked to work with my hands and tinker," Severide answers in truth. "My dad and I had tried working on the rebuild to a classic car once; just something we could do together that didn't involve a lot of talking. He was never big on that."

"How long did that last?"

"Few months," Severide replies with a strained tone. "Work always came first and it was strained most of the time. But I've always loved just tinkering so figured why not make money at it right?"

"Makes sense. Same reason I do contracting. Need the extra cash and I like to keep busy and build things only it wasn't something I shared with my father. Always liked building blocks as a kid. Stuff like that."

They arrive at the marina and head toward the specific dock, casually chatting about the area, the weather, their love of water and Chicago in general.

"Hey Mr. Morris," Severide offers his hand to a friendly wave as they near the older man walking up to them on the dock.

"Morning Kelly," he greets them with a warm smile, taking Severide's hand first and giving it a friendly shake before he looks at Casey.

"Matt Casey," Casey introduces himself as he takes the older man's hands and also gives it a shake. "I'm gonna take a look at that hull of yours."

"Really?"

"Part of the package," Severide nods in haste, giving Mr. Morris a bit of a small glare and hoping he is okay with the unexpected surprise.

"Is that okay?" Casey asks with some uncertainty.

"Sure sounds just fine."

"Okay great, let's get started," Severide suggests as the older man turns around and leads them toward his boat, Casey looking at Severide in wonder. Severide returns a small nod that everything would be okay and he should stay.

"I have a few things to do but I'll be a few bays down. If you need anything just holler."

"Yes sir," Severide smiles as him and Casey get onto the boat, Casey looking at the front of the hull with the busted corner. "Easy right?" Severide pats him on the back.

"Kelly…"

"Trust me what he's paying me for this will more than cover the cost of your materials, a few rounds and all the ribs you can eat."

"Now that…sounds like a great plan actually," Casey agrees with a contented smile. "Let's get busy."

The two of them break apart, Casey going to inspect the front to see what he'd need to get from his truck and Severide heading for the interior and down into the small engine room to see what he too would need and if he'd have to make a parts run or could use what he has with him.

About half hour later, he remerges from the engine room, taking a deep breath of fresh air and then looking around for his missing friend. Casey's head pops up from behind a bulkhead giving Severide a somewhat strained smile as he approaches.

"What's up?"

"You sure he wants to use this thing anytime soon?"

"Don't know," Severide huffs as he eases himself down onto a small stool as Casey wiggles out from behind the bulk head and rests on his knees. "Thing hasn't seen a real outing in about five years."

"What?" Casey looks at him in surprise as Severide shrugs. "Then why…"

"Just not sure."

"Okay what are you not telling me?" Casey presses. "I know a thing or two about you you know."

"This was the last thing he bought his wife and the last thing they did together before she died of cancer five years ago. Each year he asks me to come and help him fix – something. This year it's the engine, he pays well and then always says he'll take it out for a spin. But yeah as you can see…it's not in great condition for that. He um…he just can't let go."

"I see."

"Matt…" Severide groans as he looks away in remorse and then back at Casey with a heavy frown. "I didn't want to tell you the story because I thought it would depress you more."

"Appreciate the thought but I don't want you walking on eggshells around me okay? Then I feel…just don't. It's not necessary."

"Okay," Severide agrees softly, mentally chastising himself for putting some undo stress on his friend when that's the last thing he wanted.

"It's just that…" Casey starts. But before another word can be spoken, Mr. Morris appears with a warm smile, looking up at both younger men in wonder.

"How's she lookin'?" He inquires as Casey pulls away.

"I need some supplies."

"Matt…" Severide implores in an inpatient whisper as both stand up.

"She's lookin' good Mr. Morris," Casey replies as he hops down onto the dock and then turns and slowly heads toward the parking lot.

"How's the engine Kelly? Will she be ready for a run soon?"

"She needs a bit of work but think she'll be just fine. Where you planning to head this time?" Severide inquires with a tender smile.

"Oh not too far. Maybe up the inlet a ways. Anna always liked that best you know," the older man replies with a small frown.

"I think that…" Severide starts only to be interrupted by a sharp angry outburst coming from the direction of the parking lot. His head instantly swivels in the direction Casey had headed, his agitation starting to grow. But knowing that Casey is more than capable of handling himself in a verbal altercation, he decides to hang back unless things escalated.

Things were about to escalate.

"You think I should wait a few more months?" Mr. Morris wonders.

"I think that…" Severide tries again, this time his sentence is interrupted by a stranger's angry shout and his agitation starts to creep a bit higher. Casey counters and then the stranger.

"You want to check on your friend?" Mr. Morris looks at Severide in concern.

"Am sure it's nothi…"

***bang***

"Matt!" Severide shouts in horror as he turns and races toward the end of the pier, Mr. Morris in tow. He rounds the corner and literally stops short as his eyes widen in horror at Casey lying on the ground.

"MATT!"

* * *

**A/N:** muwhahaha oh um yeah sorry! (runs and hides) course no one dies but was Casey shot? Will he end up in the ER where his dead fiancé used to work? Will it setback all the hard work Severide has done or is he just dazed and okay? would love your review on where Casey went at the start and how things will work for our boys now? thanks so much!


	4. A Fork in the Road

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 4 – A Fork in the Road**

* * *

For a few seconds the world stops spinning and everything is frozen in place; a horrified growl caught in Severide's mouth as he waits for a sign that Casey was still alive. A small tormented call of his name, "Kelly," by his wounded friend forces the world to start to respin and his legs to take action.

"Matt! Oh god Matt…no…" Severide rushes toward Casey's slightly flailing frame, dropping to his knees to inspect the extent of the gunshot wound. "Matt talk to me."

"Kelly…."

"Okay thank god," Severide breathes in haste. "Don't get…"

"I'm okay…."

"Don't get up," Severide instructs firmly.

"Kelly…just a…graze ahhhh…" Casey's lips groan as Severide gently pushes him back down, watching two concerned onlookers hurrying toward them.

"I called 9-11!"

"I saw it all! Is he okay?" The other exclaims excitedly as they remain back a few feet at Severide's urging.

"Matt, look at me," Severide gently begs as he finally locates the source of the gunshot wound. "Is it…"

"Kelly it was…" Casey tries once more as his body shifts in Severide's grasp, his lips uttering another painful gasp as his friend's fingers apply a bit of pressure to try to stop the bleeding. "It's…nothing."

"Stay down!" Severide growls as Casey's watery blue eyes lift to see Severide offer himself a small curse. "Sorry."

"It was a graze."

"I can still feel the bullet Matt…or at least part…damn this feels…" Severide replies firmly as he places Casey's left hand on the wound and proceeds to check him over a bit further.

"Ahhhh Kelly…"

"I know it hurts. Medics are on their way. What the hell happened?"

"Misunderstanding," Casey answers with a short labored wheeze. "I don't need…"

"You are going to the ER and that's…"

"NO!" Casey shouts as he tries to get up; Severide pushing him back down to the ground and then taking his jacket off and placing it over Casey's upper half. "I can't go…to the ER. Not to Lakeshore," he practically begs. "Kelly please, not there."

"Matt the bullet's still…" Severide starts to answer as Casey's fists around the upper part of his sweater start to tighten. "You'll be okay."

"I…can't…not Lakeshore," he pants in sorrow as his head gently lolls to the side and Severide is quick to act; the sirens thankfully getting closer.

"Matt, stay with me buddy. Okay…just stay…damn it Matt come on now," Severide gently begs as Casey's watery eyes flutter open and look up at the concerned expression looming over him. "You're not hit anywhere else okay? But you do need that side tended to."

"Not…Lakeshore," Casey tries once more as the ambulance pulls up and two male medics get out and rush toward them.

"What happened?" The medic asks in haste.

"Gunshot wound to the left side…here," Severide directs before he pulls back and helplessly watches the two men racing to get the bleeding under control and Casey packaged for transport to the hospital emergency. Casey's defeated gaze lifts to meet and hold Severide's before his face crunches with pain as he's gently lifted onto the stretcher and then whisked away toward the waiting ambulance; Severide in tow.

"Did you find any other injuries?" Severide asks in haste.

"Nothing. I think part of the bullet is still in this wound but it should be easily removed. He shouldn't require an overnight stay," the medic answers in truth as he locks the stretcher into place, the doors being closed and the ambulance starting to move a few moments later.

"Not…staying overnight," Casey huffs as he looks up at the medic in pain. "Don't take me…to…Lakeshore."

"He keeps saying that," the medic looks at Severide in concern. "Sir we have to take him…"

"It'll be okay," Severide tells the medic as Casey looks over at him in sorrow. "It's the closest one."

"I don't…care," Casey replies in a soft whisper as Severide's lips purse in frustration.

"I care," he reminds him tenderly as his hand rests on his shoulder and gives it a small squeeze. "It'll be okay."

"Not the ER."

"What's going on?"

"His fiancé was Dr. Hallie Thomas. She um….used to work there."

"Before the…" the medic stops upon receiving a sharp nod from Severide and then looking down just as Casey's eyes freshly water. "I'm sorry. She was well liked by everyone."

"I know," Casey whispers as his hand balls into a tight fist and his brain begs his eyes not to water and show his humble remorse in front of strangers.

"Rest now Matt, okay?" Severide's calm down forces him to look to the right and focus on his friend's reassuring expression before he simply nods and closes his eyes. He wished they would put him out or that he would at least pass out and then wake up at home or at Severide's and miss the whole painful reunion with a place he actually didn't mind going to in the past. Now he dreaded the reunion; it would just be a painful reminder of the love and life he lost and how inside he was ready to crumble into irreparable pieces.

He hears Severide telling him something more about Mr. Morris's boat but his mind can only race with tormented thoughts of his last visit to the ER and within seconds his heart rate starts to soar.

"What's going on? His hearts starting to race," the medic suddenly notes as his attention turns back to the rapid beeping.

"It's anxiety," Severide notes correctly as he looks at Casey in remorse as Casey's face screws in pain. "I'm sorry."

"Dr. Holland is on duty tonight. He's excellent."

"I just need…a band aide," Casey growls as he tries to get up off the stretcher just as the ambulance comes to a stop.

"Take it easy, you're strapped down," Severide groans as his hand rests on Casey's shoulder as they prepare to exit the ambulance.

"Kelly…I can't…go in there," Casey begs in misery as Severide leans down and virtually whispers in his ear.

"I'll be with you every step of the way okay? Matt you need to get the bullet fragment out. There's no argument here. You'll be fine," Severide concludes before he pulls back up.

Realizing it was now pointless to argue, Casey's dizzy head slumps back down in weary defeat as the back doors to the ambulance open and the familiar Emergency sign looms overhead. But as soon as the stretcher pushes through the large ER doors and the medics direct him toward a waiting ER operating room, Casey's agitation soars.

"Kelly…"

"Hey it's okay," Severide tries to calm as his hand rests on Casey's shoulder once more; Casey's partially strapped down frame starting to subside in its useless thrashing as they wait for the doctor to arrive. After a few minutes of silence Casey looks up to see Severide mutter something but not fully express himself out loud.

"What?" Casey lightly demands as Severide looks back down.

"The guy who saw this…Dylan he uh…he told me that you…."

"Mr. Casey?" The doctor inadvertently interrupts them.

"I'll wait outside," Severide suggests; his mind actually surprised when Casey doesn't put up much of a fuss in protest. He watches the doctor take the chart from the medic and then start to ask Casey a bunch of questions; Casey looking over at him in remorse as he knows exactly what Severide was going to verbally scold him about. But before he could qualify his seemingly rash actions, the doctor closes the curtain and seals them inside – away from view.

"Okay so let me see what happened here."

Casey remains silent and closes his eyes; his mind whisking himself back in time – 8 years ago to be exact when he was brought into the ER at Lakeshore after a fall on the job and was treated by a new attending physician – Dr. Hallie Thomas.

_'Well hello there Lieutenant Casey. I'm Dr. Thomas. Took quite the fall I hear.'_

_'Please call me Matt.'_

_'Okay Matt. Gotta take that shirt off you.'_

There was just something about her that instantly clicked; her light musical laugh, the sparkle in her warm eyes, the fantasy of being attended to by a hot female doctor and the way she called him Matt after he asked her to.

_'Oh you are trouble aren't you.'_

_'Does that worry you?' He had playfully flirted back._

_'I think I could handle you.'_

Her answer might have been serious but it was enough of an invitation for him to ask right there if she was married and then proceed.

_'You like hockey?'_

_'There is no way you could have survived in my house without being anything other than a diehard Hawks fan.'_

_'I have an extra ticket to Saturday's game…put that knowledge to the test,' he cockily flirted._

_'Ah a wager. Brave man. But…'_

_'Right of course…sorry.'_

_'Actually I was going to say but if we do bet the terms better be fair.'_

_'Really?'_

_'I would love to go.'_

And that was it; the date went better than expected and he remembered going home that night telling himself this was a woman he wanted to build a future with. He had explained right up front about his family situation but she had assured him that it didn't scare her away, if anything it almost dared her to want to fight harder to keep him in her life. He was in love. But as soon as his mind slams back to reality – showing him her dead corpse in a room just down the hall, his heart skips a beat and his lungs gasp.

"Mr. Casey?" The doctor asks in haste; having already retrieved the bullet fragment and working to clean up the surrounding area. "Did that hurt? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No it um…no I'm…I'm fine…" Casey huffs as he tries to roll onto his back, the doctor's hands gently pulling him back and instructing that he had to lie on side a little bit longer. "Are you…almost done?"

"Not a fan of the ER, Mr. Casey?"

"NO!" Casey shouts; his growly tone forcing the doctor to pause and Severide's head to duck into the curtain to see what the commotion is.

"I meant nothing by it."

Severide locks eyes with Casey and offers him a small frown; Casey looking back in remorse before he closes his eyes and takes another deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Hallie Thomas was my fiancé."

"Oh…I'm so sorry," the doctor offers in a sympathetic tone as Severide slips into the room and leans against the opposite wall, staring at Casey's chest and allowing his eyes to fix on the patch of bloodied skin. "He's going to be fine," he doctor looks up at Severide. "Just let me clean this up and put on a covering and then you can go home. I'd suggest not getting it wet for at least 24 hours. I'll be right back."

"Thanks," Casey remarks in an undertone as he remains on his side as the doctor disappears behind the curtains; Severide remaining behind. "I think that…" Casey starts as he quickly sits up. But with even the small dosage of morphine and local anesthetic in his system, it forces him his head to spin and he can only curse as his frame starts to list forward, Severide rushing in with two supportive hands to keep him from crashing face first into the floor. "Kelly…I have to leave here."

"He's going to…"

"No…now. I have to leave right now," Casey looks up in misery with pleading expression in his eyes; a look so lost and forlorn that it forces Severide's heart to shatter. "I keep seeing her…on the bed…not moving…her eyes looking up at me and then asking me why…Kelly…why didn't I get to her in time," his chest starts to heave as dark circles start to form.

"Hey just take a deep breath," Severide instructs as his hand protectively strokes Casey's trembling back.

"I remember…coming here the first time…I was so…nervous but I wanted to ask her out and…she said yes. First date and she said…oh god how do I move past this."

"Stop thinking about that right now. You had to come back here sometime right?"

"Better to get it over with?" Casey retorts sourly as Severide shakes his head and sighs as Casey looks up in watery remorse. "I never wanted to come back here and that makes me feel guilty."

"Sounds kinda normal to me," Severide lightly shrugs as the doctor comes in with a small packet and a sheet of instructions for the wound. Casey thanks the doctor and allows Severide to help him gently pull his sweater over his head, reaching for the bag and pushing his way out of the curtain before Severide could say a word. They head for the exit; needing to take a cab back to the marina to get Casey's truck, get back to his place, get Severide's car and head back to the loft for dinner.

The ride to the waterfront is spent mostly in silence; Casey's mind racing as to what to tell Severide and make him believe it was just an accident and Severide glancing over now and again and wondering if Casey would indeed tell him the truth.

"Hold on a sec," Severide gently grabs Casey by the arm and forces him to stop and turn around; the area mostly devoid of other people and the cabbie already driving away. "What on earth happened back there? What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Casey groans. "Besides I know the other guy told you what he saw."

"I want your version."

"Why? So you can yell at me for risking my life for no reason!" Casey's voice raises as he answers.

"Did you do that?"

"I came back here and two people were arguing. I was going to mind my own business when the guy started to get rough with…who I assumed was his wife or girlfriend. Look I didn't expect him to pull a gun okay?"

"Damn it Matt!"

"If you saw someone being pushed around don't tell me you wouldn't have taken action and tried to break it up and get her away from him just as I did because I know you would have!" Casey growls back.

"I never mentioned wanting to use a gun to…"

"To what Kelly?" Casey growls in anger. "SAY IT!"

"To kill myself okay? You mentioned it for a reason Matt!"

"So every time I want to help someone and get shot in the process you'll think I've tried to hurt myself on purpose!" Casey shouts in return before he turns his back; Severide quickly countering and standing in front of him to block his path. "I'll walk home."

"Okay so that was unfair of me but put yourself in my place. You'd be just as paranoid as me if something like this happened so soon after you mentioned it. Matt I care okay?" Severide's tone drops to an apologetic one. "I can't imagine what you're thinking so I have to judge on what I see and hear – from you. Just tell me the truth. It's you and me."

"I didn't step in front of that gun on purpose; I'm not that reckless," Casey groans as his tone also drops. "I didn't expect him to pull out a gun okay? Damn I didn't expect it."

"Okay," Severide nods as he offers Casey a small frown of remorse. "I know the trip to the ER was rough. I'm sorry man, I really am."

"I'd try to think of something happy and for a few seconds I would see her smiling face or feel her touching me and then it always shifts back to the same scene…me finding her dead but hearing her ask why I didn't help her."

Severide waits for Casey to finish talking and then watches as Casey pulls away and heads toward the boats a few feet and then stops, looking ahead to the boat they had been working on a few hours earlier.

"But for a brief time today…when I was working on the hull I remembered some happier times, just the two of us doing nothing really and there was no darkness…only the happy thought," he admits in a soft whisper as Severide comes and stands beside him, his hand resting on Casey's shoulder and giving it a small pat for a few seconds before Casey looks at him with a small tormented expression.

"Then today wasn't totally lost," Severide mentions in truth as Casey can't help but nod in agreement. "We better pack up and get going before it gets too late."

"I think I'll just…"

"Seriously even Shay threatened to use the duct tape if I didn't bring you home tonight. Course she'll be surprised at what condition."

"Kelly…"

"I'll tell her the truth Matt. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time," Severide lightly shrugs as he quickly snatches the keys away from Casey's grasp. "You can't even walk a straight line right now."

"He didn't give me that much morphine," Casey lightly grimaces as he bends a bit too much to the right; instantly pulling back as he feels the strain on his left side, the fresh stitching yelling at him to just take it easy. His lips try to stifle a small gasp as he eases himself down into the passenger seat, assuring Severide that he was indeed okay and they could head home as soon as they were all strapped in.

Just before Severide pulls away he hears a small gasp and looks over at Casey who quickly looks away and wipes his eyes, keeping his somber gaze fixed out the window.

"Matt?"

"The woman…she um…she looked like Hallie," he finally confesses the real reason behind his motivation for stepping in the middle of the strangers altercation. "You asked me why…" Casey pauses as he looks back with a sad gaze, "that's why. She reminded me of Hallie and I just…reacted. It could have been worse I know but I didn't think. That's the truth."

"Okay," Severide acknowledges in a soft whisper as he finally puts the truck in gear and heads for Casey's place. But half way there he glances over to see Casey lightly sleeping; a mixture of the exhausting day's events and the drugs still dancing around in his system that he bypasses Casey's home, telling himself his car would be fine there overnight and heads for his apartment.

"Hey we're home," Severide gently nudges Casey as he brings Casey's truck to a stop in their underground assigned parking spot; Casey's eyes fluttering open as his body gently stretches. "Let's get you some real rest."

"So what happened with Mr. Morris?" Casey asks as they slowly head for the elevator to go up to the loft apartment.

"He asked what time we were coming back tomorrow," Severide smirks. "He never followed me after I told him to stay put after the gunshot was heard. Someone who actually listens to me."

"Is that a dig?" Casey tosses back with a tired smirk.

"Outrightly."

The two of them enter the quiet apartment, Shay leaving a note that she'd be back later but that the fridge was stocked with things they could use to make themselves supper.

"Okay so you just...wait here," Severide literally drags Casey to the living room, Casey's lips offering a small chuckle as Severide holds up the roll of duct tape and wags it in the air.

"I'm too tried to resist. I will happily concede to the couch," Casey utters with a small wince as he eases himself down on to the couch, Severide watching in concern. But after a few seconds of silence, Casey chances to look up to see Severide just staring in concern. "I will stay – I promise."

"No, it's not that," Severide quickly qualifies. "When I heard the arguing I figured it was no big deal but when I heard the shot and then came around the corner and you weren't moving I um…Matt my first thought was…what the hell am I gonna tell Hallie," Severide confesses as he feels his own eyes wanting to water; Casey's soft lips automatically parting. "It's not just you. I miss her also. I miss seeing you happy."

Casey can only give him a silent nod as his eye water; watching as Severide finally excuses himself and heading for the kitchen. Casey's fingers quickly wipe his eyes dry; his head twisting to the right to see Severide nearing him once more with a blanket.

"Trust me, if I don't at least try to mother you as much as I can, Shay will have my ass; especially after what happened today," Severide admits as he hands him the warm blanket. "You look..."

"Drained?" Casey interjects as Severide nods. "I feel it. My body…okay my left side hurts to touch it and my ribs from landing hard on the cement but I I've been in rougher shapes before. Right now…I just feel drained."

"Okay just relax then. Watch whatever you want. I'll make us dinner and then…an early night okay?"

Casey gives him a nod; sending Severide away once more, this time into the kitchen while he reaches for the remote and flips on the TV. He settles back a bit more on the couch, pulling the blanket up over his weary frame and then staring absently at the TV as his mind once again starts to wander; this time whisking him back to when Hallie first met his mother.

_'She's…well she's not you.'_

_'What do you mean?'_

_'It's hard to explain Matt, but just something about her…never mind.'_

_'Hallie please. I want us to be open with each other.'_

_'She doesn't seem sincere when she talks to you. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was prison. I don't know._

_'So does meeting her scare you?'_

_'You mean away from you?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'I love you Matthew Casey, not your mother. I'm not going anywhere.'_

"Damn," he softly curses as his eyes freshly water and a few tears escape; the salty droplets bouncing off the end of the remote and landing with a soft splat on the blanket on his lap. He quickly wipes them and then reaches for a Kleenex, Severide watching the sad torment from the kitchen but unable to anything more than pray his friend can survive the onslaught of emotional memories.

"You sure you don't need help?" Casey calls back.

As much as Severide knows he'd like to give him something to help occupy his mind, the doctor had told him to just take it easy and he wanted him to rest as much as possible.

"I got it," Severide calls back; frowning as he watches Casey's shoulders slightly droop and berating himself for being the cause. "I know you are sick of doing nothing but doct…"

"Doctor's orders…right," Casey concludes in a soft whisper as Severide's teeth grit.

"I'm almost done. Shay had left a few things from lunch that I just had to warm up and…be right there. We'll eat in there."

Casey doesn't give much protest as in truth it felt good just to remain in place on the soft couch instead of transferring himself to a hard chair; his mind already dreading sleeping and rolling onto his injured side in the middle of the night and doing further damage.

About ten minutes later Severide appears with a platter of food that he places on the table, Casey looking at the items in shock.

"No good?" Severide asks in immediate concern.

"No it's um…Shay left this?"

"I made it early this morning and she left a few things to go with it. Corned beef and cabbage…one of your faves right?" Severide questions; Casey's mind thinking back to the exact same dish he had made Severide as a peace offering after their strained month long verbal battle after Andy Darden's death.

"It is my fave," Casey answers somewhat numbly.

"Call it a peace offering," he remarks with a small smile.

"You really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to. Now eat up," Severide finishes making Casey a plate and then hands it to him. "Remember what Boden told us after Andy's death?"

"In order to move out of the past you gotta…"

"Get back to basics," they both say in unison.

"That's not easy," Casey huffs as he looks down at his plate with a heavy frown.

"At least you don't have to do it alone," Severide tells him as Casey looks up at his friend's determined expression.

"Okay," Casey nods in agreement before he offers him a small smile. "This is really good."

"You sound surprised," Severide tosses back.

"I am actually. Didn't know you knew how to cook this."

"Learnt for a friend," he answers warmly. "Wait until you try dessert; another one of your faves."

"Kelly…I never told you what my favorite dessert is."

"You talk in your sleep," Severide chuckles. "So you confessed the other night on the couch. Remember?"

"I do. What did I say?"

"Wait and see."

* * *

**A/N:** Ah after all that couldn't deal Casey a permanent setback but I did want him to face a bit of angst in heading back to the ER where Hallie worked. But of course Severide was never leaving his side. So hope you liked all the angsty broments in this update and please do review before you go and see what surprise Severide has in store for Casey next to try to help him rebuild his life and get on the right track for dealing with his loss. Thanks everyone!


	5. Back to Basics

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 5 – Back to Basics **

**A/N**: The words below in bold and italics don't belong to me but I found them fitting for this story and setting. I hope you agree but I will warn you might just need a Kleenex handy for that part. Sorry but this is an angsty story right? Enjoy!

* * *

"Uh…my fave?" Casey asks with a small smirk as he watches Severide return to the living room after dinner with a bowl of yellow Jell-O. "Yellow…Jell-O?" He arches his brows as he takes the jiggley bowl and smiles.

"You mentioned…yellow or Jell-O so figured…why not both," Severide smirks as he plunks himself down with a matching bowl.

"Another sleep confession?" Casey inquires as Severide nods. "What else did I say?"

"I heard something about the Muppets and I think…you said…you were a Bruins fan…" Severide teases with a wide grin.

"Nice try," Casey lightly chuckles to the last remark as he tosses over a small throw pillow that Severide easily ducks. "This…actually isn't bad."

"You still sound surprised."

"You said you don't cook."

"Blame Shay," Severide groans. "Ever since dad's visit where he got after me for not helping in the kitchen more she's held it over my head and threatens to call dad to come for dinner."

"And that's bad?"

"I'll be subjected to inappropriate comments about when she knew she was a lesbian and if she has any straight friends I'd be interested in," he grumbles under his breath. "The cooking is usually moot by that point."

"Well it's good."

"Always room for Jell-O right?"

"Always," Casey replies with a small frown as he looks down at the bowl in his grasp in silence. "Don't take this the wrong way but um…I'm glad the shooting happened," Casey states as he looks up at Severide's mildly surprised expression.

"Why?"

"I…I had been putting off going back to that ER but I know…I know the longer I would have stayed away the harder it would have been to go back. Sooner or later something would have happened and I would have ended up in the ER either for myself or one of the team. It was different with the birth," Casey pauses, referring to the birth of Hermann's latest member to his growing clan, "I wasn't near the ER and was caught up in everyone else's excitement. But this forced me to face things I didn't want to. Memories and feelings. I still don't want to face them all but…but it was better," Casey's somewhat agitated ramble finally concludes.

"I know it couldn't have been easy," Severide mentions softly as Casey looks up with an almost uncertain expression but finally nods. "But it's just one more hurdle that you managed to get over right?"

"With help."

"But that's what friends are for right? So you don't have to face this stuff alone. I learned from Andy's death that facing stuff alone is the wrong way. It made me bitter and angry and upset at people and friends I care about. We fought over nothing. Mills…one hand on the ladder…and I wasn't yelling at him as much as I was really yelling at you."

"You were right though."

"But yelling at him in front of you in public to make a point was wrong. I see that now. Then…I was too caught up in my own bitterness to make amends. You took the lead in that."

"We express things differently though," Casey reminds him in truth.

"I yell and you sulk."

"I do not sulk," Casey lightly argues back.

"You sulk," Severide retorts firmly. "You like suffer in silence better?"

"You said you suffered alone."

"The whole world knew I was pissed when Andy died. But now with Hallie…Matt…none of us knew what you were going through and had I not come by your place when I did…I mean damn…that was you suffering in silence."

"I know," Casey answers in a small tone as he slowly nods. "I'm glad you stopped by though."

"Yeah me too."

The two of them sit in silence a bit longer enjoying their sweet treat until they hear the door open and Shay's head pops in.

"Am I disturbing the male bonding moment?"

"Yeah we're about to strip down to our jocks and wrestle for the last cube of Jell-O," Severide tosses out as Casey's lips offer a sudden snicker.

"Perfect! Let me get my camera and record this for Youtube," Shay grins as she dishes herself out a small bowl and joins them on the couch. "How are you?" She asks Casey directly.

"Better now," he answers with a warm smile as he looks over at Severide who nods in confirmation.

"Good to hear. You know this isn't half bad."

"Why is everyone surprised I can cook?" Severide groans.

"Cutting onions isn't cooking Kelly," Shay pointedly reminds him; her mock stern expression earning her a warm about of laughter. The three of them linger in the living room for about an hour, talking more about Casey's near miss; Casey telling her a bit about the altercation but not confessing as much to Shay as he did to Kelly about his motive for acting, merely saying he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and Severide not betraying that trust by telling Shay all that Matt had confessed to him in private. Shay respecting that and not pressing for further details, only saying she was happy that he was okay and still in good hands but that their next outing would be to the mall.

Finally fatigue pulls at them all from the long day's events and it's time to disperse and get some real rest for all of them. But just before the clock strikes midnight, Casey finds himself roughly pulled from another realistic nightmare. He rubs his weary face and slowly pushes himself from bed, wanting to take another painkiller and some water. Hoping he doesn't wake anyone, he slowly pads down the stairs and into the kitchen, getting a large glass of cold water and then heading into the quiet living room. He takes the pill and a hearty gulp but sits down before the large picture window to slowly sip the rest; unaware of the set of concerned eyes watching from a discreet distance.

Casey slides down into the middle of the sofa and closes his eyes, his mind whisking him back to the day after he lost his fiancé to a vengeful madman. He remembers standing in his living room – numb. Uncertain. Alone. And physically sick. He had replayed the events of the previous day over a few times and then tried Hallie's number; convinced that it was a horrific night mare that he needed to wake up from and that she would answer and say everything's okay.

It wasn't. It was real and it hurt beyond belief.

_"__**When you're on your own…"**_

When he had lost his father he didn't have to face that horror alone as he and his sister drew closer than they ever had at that in the months that followed. Other friends and their neighbors all came to their aid to help the Casey siblings cope with the fact and come to terms with their mother murdering their father. At that time he still felt alone but it wasn't the same.

But this…this was his burden to face and the day after the death he felt alone. Isolated. Scared. He couldn't turn to his mother and his sister was burdened with her own issues; Hallie's family not as close to him as he'd want to offer the kind of support he needed in that moment.

He was stuck – literally.

_**"when you're at a fork in the road…"**_

He had been granted the mandatory few days personal leave due to personal loss, but that morning he merely stood fixed in place in his living room and allowed the world to slowly spin around him – everyone else carrying on, oblivious to the tormented soul in desperate need of emotional rescue but too proud to actually ask. But he came to realize he was at a fork…a new place. When Hallie had left, he knew, always knew in the back of his mind that she _could_ come back. Even if she didn't – she still could and part of him clinged to that hope. Now that hope was dead and no matter what he did or thought, she wasn't coming back.

He remembered his breathing felt restricted, tears continued to build but he still remained frozen in place; unsure of what to do and unable to think or act in a normal way.

And so he stood. Divided. Alone.

_**"you don't know which way to go…"**_

It wasn't a normal day. The phone had started to ring on a regular basis so much so that an hour later he angrily yanked the cord from the wall and then cursed his rash actions. His breath catches and for a few seconds his heart feels heavy and painful. He sees himself angrily stomping around his home, yelling at inanimate things, cursing anything that got out of place and offering a heavy fist when a cupboard door didn't close fast enough. He had turned on the TV and the radio at the same time to keep the suffocating silence at bay. But no matter what he did…nothing could silence the cries for help in his head and by the end of the day he was broken.

Then Christie came over. It helped to fill some of the void but it also just added to his mounting misery.

But it was fleeting.

_**"there's too many signs and arrows."**_

They talked and cried and hugged. Cursed and yelled and cried. Talked and cried. Hugged and cried. Talked. Hugged. Cried. Until it was well into the next morning and both were emotionally drained; Christie sending her brother to bed as she tidied up a few things – the mess not near where it would be a few weeks later. The next morning Casey had awoken with a head full of sorrow and confusion.

Work. Rest. Vacation. Keep busy. Take time. Grieve. It wasn't the same as losing his father. He loved his father. Grieved still but the loss wasn't as personal. This was. It was hard to explain and he didn't bother trying. He just kept it all inside, telling himself that he gotten through one personal tragedy and he could get through this one just as easily. He'd be wrong. So he chose to do what he normally did. Go back to work.

It didn't help.

_**"You haven't laughed in a while…"**_

Normally the antics of those around him – Otis, Mouch, Hermann, Mills and even Pouch would make him laugh; smile in the very least when he wasn't able to find the inner strength to get even the smallest chuckle past his lips. Normally on a bad day he could count on coming to work and feeling his anxiety slip away by the antics of his team; or even Kelly's when they were around. He was known as good natured; an easily laugher and one quick with a soft smile. But the days following his return to Firehouse 51 found a Matt Casey that literally hadn't laughed in a while. It wasn't normal. In fact, if asked…if really grilled, he'd be hard pressed to come up an actual date where he just felt the need well up from his very core to enjoy a light hearted moment without the painful reminders of everyday life crashing down around him and warning that he might never laugh again.

But it wasn't just a laugh.

_**"when you can't even fake a smile…"**_

There were times…times he'd silently congratulate himself in private for putting on a fake smile, nodding firmly or replying politely and fooling all those around him that on the outside he was still the strong brick wall he was when they first met him. While on the inside those walls had nearly crumbled. Destroyed. Shattered. They would ask if he's okay; if he needed anything; if there was something they could do. He would smile. A fake smile. An Oscar worthy smile. And they would believe him. Why press further? He was fine. That was in public. But in private; the script was entirely different. There was no smile – not even a fake one. He'd stand before the mirror, looking back at his weary reflection in defeated misery, asking himself why over and over until he was sick of hearing his own voice.

But that wasn't the only reason he turned away from his reflection.

He felt he failed.

_**"when you feel ashamed…"**_

He loved his job. Always has. It was the only job he wanted to do from a small boy since he was allowed to be aware of what he wanted to do when he grew up. Be like his father. Help people. Save people. Save…those he loves the most. But he had failed someone he loved. Failed to save them. Hallie. Failed her. Let her die. At least those are the lies he would tell himself over and over and over. He should have been there. Should have gone earlier. Shouldn't have let her be there alone so late. Should have called, texted. Just. Been. There. He no longer looks in the mirror, shame, remorse and guilt look back. He can't face them. He can't face them alone. He's alone. Always has been and now feels he always will be. He turns away from himself. He doesn't want to look. He doesn't see the mess…the chaos…the utter despair growing in the background…all around him. He can't. He's ashamed. He's failed.

He a walking contradiction now. About to crumble.

_**"the uniform don't make you brave."**_

Brave. The word defines the profession – 'Chicago's Bravest'. The word finest always described law enforcement but bravest was reserved for fire fighters. They embodied it. Or so he figured. Told himself. Lived it. It was an honor to have that title. To put on the gear. To hold a life in your hands and deliver it to safety. To restore hope. But when at their lowest, who picks up the bravest? Who's strong enough to offer a hand, grab the precious life and tell them they aren't alone and with help can face the next day and succeed? He figured going to work; putting on the professional covering would help convince him in his own mind he was okay. It didn't work. Every time he came home he was reminded of his failure. Was reminded of his loss. Of his own humanity. And that damned him every time he turned the key.

It nearly crushed him into mental oblivion; crushed him past the point of no return; destroyed his emotional wellbeing and then laughed at the puny human trying his best to fight back. Trying but failing. But hope wasn't lost entirely. Before that invisible line could be crossed a hand reached out; reached out and pulled him back.

Giving him back hope.

He scoffed at first. Telling his savior that he wasn't worthy of that hand and that he deserved to flounder; pushing it back. But hope is resilient and never gives up. It believes in the greater hope. It kept trying. The hand was strong…supportive and loving. Without asking it took his, held on and pulled him back, refusing to give up or give in. He responded. He grabbed onto the last vestige of hope; desperately begging for it to help restore his future. Wanting to feel whole again. Alive. Hope reminded him it would take time. He cursed. It waited. He came back.

And in the silent living room of the darkened loft apartment he hangs his head and weeps; warm blue eyes brimming with cool anguished tears. He feels alone. Hope is there. He finally acknowledges it.

_**"All I can do…is give you a shoulder to cry when you need it…"**_

"I miss her," Casey lightly laments as Severide's body presses against his on the couch, the two of them sitting in silence staring out into the dark of night; waiting for the dawn.

"I do too," Severide whispers in return as Casey's head comes to rest on his shoulder. They sit and cry together; talking, cursing. Crying. Hope doesn't leave. It never will. A few minutes later hope builds. Another joins them; in the dark. In the quiet living room. Shay takes Casey's hand and holds it firmly. The three of them sit in silence. They sit and cry together. Talking. Cursing. Crying. Together. Hope is restored.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey," Severide pops his head into Casey's room the following morning to see Casey sitting up in bed reading.

"Hey," Casey greets with a small nod as he puts the book aside.

"The joys of knitting…" Severide gently smirks as Casey gives him a small headshake before slightly stretching.

"It was the only thing I found in the drawer. Shay wants to learn to knit?"

"You sure it's Shay?" Severide retorts with an easy chuckle as he looks at Casey's weary expression. "No more boats today."

"Aside from getting shot I didn't mind. Kept me busy. I need…Kelly I need a real change for…"

"You can't leave."

"Shay ever get after you for interrupting?" Casey asks firmly as Severide grins. "I meant some kind of…I don't know holiday or…just something to get my mind off…home so I can rebuild."

"Back to basics?"

"Boden knows best right?"

"So he's always telling us," Severide answers with a warm smile. "You know my dad has a cabin that needs some repairs. Really nice up there this time of the year. There's a lake about a ten minute walk away. We can hit some golf balls into the woods and we coul…"

.

"Kelly…"

"I'm not sending you up there alone."

"I'll go…somewhere. Kelly I ca…"

"Not alone okay? Not after all this," Severide gently implores. "You want to get back to basics, that's great. I agree but you also need to talk about it and talking to yourself or a stranger who doesn't care, doesn't work. Trust me. We both have holiday time coming and…what?"

Casey looks at him in wonder, a heavy frown creasing his brow before he looks away and then back at Severide's expectant expression. "You'd do that…for me?"

"You're my friend Matt and you're hurting. You took a week off to help me after my surgery. Friends do that right? We help each other. We're brothers…we care. You'd do it for me."

"I would," Casey numbly responds.

"We'll go up to the cabin, fix it up, swim in the lake…sleep in, drink beer," he smirks, "do whatever and then if you want invite the teams up for a weekend barbeque. Go back to work with a firm plan in place. And when we're there we'll come up with a plan to help you get through this."

"Think it'll work?"

"He'll make it work," Shay pops her head in, drawing both male gazes in her direction. "Besides he won't let you say no."

"Let me?" Casey's brows lift as he looks from Shay to Severide who offers a confident nod. "I think I could use a few good days away from home."

"Home is cleaned up and waiting for your return but you do need this," Shay offers kindly. "You know it's what she'd want."

And Casey knows he can't argue; if not for anyone else, he'd do it for Hallie. She only ever wanted the best for him and the best he could do now was honor that loving care. He'd go. He'd go for her.

"Okay," Casey nods in agreement. The three of them talk a bit longer; Shay telling them what she had planned for her last day off before another set before the three of them separate for about half hour, showering, dressing for the day, making beds and packing up duffle bags. They reconvene in the kitchen for a relaxed breakfast; friendly conversation over coffee. They all enjoy the next hour before its time to divide; an offer presented and a promise given to once again reconvene in a cabin in the woods; a stronger bond of friendship being formed. One that would now be everlasting.

Casey enters his home and stands in the doorway; Severide waiting by his car to give Casey a few minutes before he follows. Casey looks around the cleaned landscape before him; a few pangs of guilt starting to creep into his mind and heart until a firm hand slaps his shoulder, prompting him to stick to their plan.

"She did a great job."

"Shay loves to clean," Severide shrugs. "She swears in another life she's the founding member of Molly Maids," he concludes with a chuckle.

As much as he didn't want to openly admit he had been dreading returning home alone after the few days hiatus; having Severide's mindless chatter filling the void was comforting. Just having someone else in the house at the same time put his mind and heart at ease. He listens and offer a few comments here and there in return as he checks some items in the fridge, makes sure the back door is locked and then heads upstairs. Once again he feels pangs of guilt starting to settle upon him as he enters his bedroom and everything is in place. Where it should be. As if he never left.

He goes about taking the items out of the duffle bag for the past week; his side still reminding him to take it easy with a warning pang. He deposits the items into his now empty laundry basket and goes about getting some new articles of clothing for their latest adventure.

When he left home a few days ago, he had dreaded having to make personal decisions; wanting someone to just step up and take over for a few days, so he could just concentrate on getting his mind back in order and focus on getting his life back in line. Severide's friendship had stepped up and filled that void at exactly the right time. What he offered Casey, asked for nothing more than a heartfelt thank you in return; something he was more than willing to supply. There was no romantic agenda as he had worried from some; no stifling jailer as he had feared from others. Just pure, honest friendship. A friend wanting nothing more than to see him get back on his feet, at his side where he belonged. He could do that.

"All set?"

"You know…I think I have a case of beer…hold on a sec. You have room right?"

"There's always room for extra beer," Severide replies with a broad smile as he takes Casey's duffel bag and set of golf clubs to his car, carefully stowing them in the trunk as Casey gets the beer, locks up and then joins him inside the classic Camaro. The conversation on the ride out to the cabin is non-confrontational and friendly; Casey's agitation settling more and more until they near the cabin and then he somewhat stiffens. Severide hears Casey's silence toward the end of the ride and looks over in wonder.

"You okay?"

"I will be," Casey manages in a quiet tone as he casts a tight lipped grin out the window, looking at the cabin with an absent stare before he turns back to Severide who gives him a nod of reassurance before they both get out. Casey takes in a hearty gulp of clean fresh air before he heads for the trunk to help unpack; slinging his backpack over his shoulder and reaching for the first food cooler that Shay had packed for them.

"Nice place," Casey comments as they enter the rustic but cozy dwelling; heading to the fridge to deposit their breakfast items, Severide following with their dinner offerings. "How long's he had it?"

"Forever it seems. There's a small hole in one part of the roof over one of the bedrooms and a window frame is busted…ah just a few minor things here and there but you gotta wait for warmer weather. Let's air this place out a little and head down to the lake," Severide suggests as he opens the kitchen window.

"Bunks?" Casey calls out as he heads into the first bedroom. "Kelly are you serious?"

"I'll take this room," Severide enters with a small smirk. "Forgot about these."

"I don't mind. Top or bottom?"

"What do you think?" Severide retorts. "You can sleep in…dad's room."

"When's the last time you were up here?" Casey asks gently.

"Dad and I don't see eye to eye most of the time so it's been a good number of years. But it's good to be back even for a few days. Come on."

Casey gives him a nod before he tosses his duffle bag onto the bottom bunk bed and follows after Severide back into the main area of the cabin. No too worried about the cabin being pilfered, both of them finish unloading the car, leave the windows open and then head for the trail that would take them down to the lake.

"Odd not to hear sirens every few minutes," Casey comments as he walks discreetly behind Severide; his hands in his pocket and eyes taking in all the foreign landscape around them. "I had asked Hallie one time…you know if she'd live above the Firehouse."

"Yeah? What'd she say?"

"How do you get used to the sirens every few minutes. I asked her doesn't she hear sirens at the hospital all the time?"

"And?" Severide gently prods after a few seconds of silence.

"She um…she said only when I arrive," Casey's lips offer a small chuckle coupled with a sniffle. "What guy doesn't love to hear that right?" He asks lightly.

"Right," Severide agrees with a friendly nod as they near the edge of the lake.

"Wow sure is nice here," Casey pauses in his walking and looks at the peaceful setting. As soon as they had started on their walk and he was able to freely and openly share anecdotes with Kelly about Hallie and times he spent with her, his agitation had started to subside and continued to do so so that he arrives at the lake without his stomach in tight knots.

"Yeah. Maybe if we fix it up, I'll come out a bit more. You know I have a spare key. You ever wanna come out here to just have a quiet place away from the city you can."

"I might take you up on that," Casey looks over with a small glance before turning back to the water. "Water cold?"

"At first and then…why?"

"Ah just asking," Casey smirks as he looks down at his shoes and then up at Severide with a wondering expression.

"You wanna go in the water?"

"No I mean…it's too cold right?" Casey muses.

"We left our shorts in the cabin. And the water's too cold."

"Right," Casey nods.

"Matt?"

"No Kelly I get it. You're…okay so it's too cold for you," Casey casually shrugs.

"And you," Severide lightly protests.

The two of them look back at the lake and then at each other, an almost unspoken dare calling to the two of them to come and see who would be the first to put some ripples in the placid lake before them.

"Okay then," Casey lightly pouts as Severide can only sigh heavily in exasperation and look at Casey incredulously.

"You know who then has to clean that wound right?"

"That's what brothers are for," Casey grins as he starts to take off his jacket. "Unless…you know you could be too old for…hey I'm just saying…"

"Oh that's it!" Severide playfully growls as he starts to remove his jacket also. They both leave a pile on the beach consisting of one jacket, one sweater and one pair of shoes. Both of them offering a childish howl as they run toward the water with their jeans and tees still on; plunging into the chilled liquid and leaving a happy echo behind on the beach to keep their clothing company.

"Oh damn that's cold!" Casey bellows as he surfaces with a small sputter. He tries to head back to shore but Severide's hands grab the back of his tee and pull him back.

"You gotta stay in the water to get warmer," Severide reminds Casey as they both bob for a few moments before Severide spies the deck and offers a friendly wager. "Last one there has to make the other dinner."

"You're on!" Casey shouts as he playfully dunks Severide and then starts to swim for dock; Severide resurfacing with a small curse as he quickly pursues. He reaches Casey and grabs him by the foot, Casey offering a small yelp as he starts to flounder and Severide starts to overtake him. "That's…cheating…" Casey huffs as he tries to recover and start back up again.

"You started it!" Severide shouts back with a small snicker as Casey starts to gain ground. The two of them push themselves until they near the dock, both of them shouting, "I'M FIRST!" at the same as their hands slap the small wooden pier.

"I'm…first…"

"Nice…try…" Severide counters with a heavy gasp as Casey looks at him with a flushed face and happy smile.

"Looks like our original plan…of both cooking remains intact," Casey sputters as they continue to bob in the water. "And back?"

"How about…I'll time you," Severide grins as he hops out of the water and perches himself on top as Casey remains in the water.

"Wimp," Casey mutters as Severide slowly gets his waterlogged frame upright and then without warning does a cannonball right beside Casey, spraying water all over Casey and the dock before he comes back up for air a few seconds later.

"Thanks…" Casey grumbles as Severide offers a cheeky grin. But not wanting to be left out of the fun, Casey swims the few short meters to the dock, climbs up and then offers Severide the same thing. The two of them horse around in the water for another hour; both finally agreeing they were warm but getting tired and wanting to get out, get dry and at least fix the small hole in the roof before nightfall.

"I needed this…" Casey confesses as Severide helps him get back onto the deck and pause a few seconds while he checks his wound. "How is it?"

"It's fine but yeah probably best not to swim anymore today. I had fun too," Severide tells him in truth as he pats him on the back.

"I'm glad this lake doesn't have leeches."

"That we know of," Severide snickers as they pick up their things and then look at each other with dry expressions as they hold up their shoes. "We'll walk back slowly."

"And don't tell Shay," Casey smirks as they carry their shoes; not wanting to get them wet and have nothing to wear later.

"Definitely not," Severide agrees with an easy smile. Casey asks some rather benign questions about the cabin and the lake on the slow trek back; his body tired from the swim in the lake but also feeling somewhat rejuvenated and mentally uplifted. Being able to just goof around as Shay had suggested without worrying about who's watching or Severide scolding him about his injury was far better than mere bed rest that the doctor ordered.

They arrive back at the cabin, slightly exhausted but determined to use the remaining daylight hours to fix the roof and then relax on the small deck with a few beers. They near the front of the cabin, exchanging light banter and some chuckles, happy to be able to get dry and put their shoes back on properly.

"Okay I can get…changed…" Severide pauses as he looks in the direction of the room he said he was going to stay in; Casey's gaze following.

"What?"

"Thought I heard som…"

"I heard that," Casey exclaims. "What do you think it is?"

"Not human or it wouldn't be making noise still," Severide looks around for something heavy. "Damn dad took the shotgun out of here for the season."

"You have a baseball bat in your trunk," Casey quietly asks with a frown. "Why is that?"

"Don't ask," Severide deadpans as he turns and hurries back toward his car to get the baseball bat, Casey standing guard in case something came out of the room. "See it yet?"

"No…was waiting for you," Casey nods as he takes the tire iron from Severide. "I'll cover you."

"Me?"

"This is your cabin," Casey quickly suggests with a nod as he falls into place behind Severide.

"Little brothers," Severide growls as Casey smirks. Both of them slowly inch toward the room with their would-be weapons raised.

"Okay…go for it," Casey whispers as Severide's hand rests on the door to slowly push it open. They each hold their breaths as the door slowly starts to show them a better view of the room.

"What the…hell?"

"Oh…damn…"

* * *

**A/N:** Uh oh….so what's waiting for them? lol two legged? Four legged? No legged? Lol guesses? Okay so had to get a few lighter moments in there to counter all the heavy angst and hope you are all okay with that. I had originally planned to end with chapter 5 but then didn't want to rush too much so you all get chapter 6. I don't want to completely resolve this as we'll see what the show does next season and I will revisit his coping strategy then. So hope you liked the broments in this chapter and would love your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** hope you all liked the start to my perilous little Casey/Severide/George ficlet 'Mayday' that one will update next.


	6. A Plan to Rebuild

**Title: Rebuilding from the Ashes  
****Chapter 6 – A Plan to Rebuild**

* * *

"Uh…Kelly?"

"Damn."

For a few split seconds both of them stare at the intruder with surprised expressions before looking at each other; the baseball bat and the tire iron instantly lowering. With Casey still watching the door to make sure their uninvited guest didn't escape, Severide heads back to the closet to get the small kitchen broom.

"How did a bat get in here?"

"Hole in the roof," Severide groans as he gestures for Casey to come into the room with him.

"I'll guard the door."

"You're afraid of…it's the size of the remote."

"Let's see you get up close and personal," Casey retorts as he remains fixed firmly in place.

"I need the door closed," Severide huffs as he gives Casey's arm a good yank, pulling him into the room beside him and then closing the door. "Okay, see the hole in the upper left hand corner."

"You can't pull rank. I'm not going near that thing."

Severide grumbles under his voice as he nears the bat flitting in the upper right hand corner of the ceiling, trying unsuccessfully to find its way out. "Okay I think that…" Severide pauses as the bat bumps into the broom and does what _appears _to be a dive bomb toward Severide's head before pulling back up and returning to the corner.

"That's funny?" Severide turns and glowers at Casey.

"That scream…Kelly it was a bit girlish," Casey retorts with a mock serious expression before he lets loose another amused chortle.

"Glad I can entertain you. Get over to the left and try to shoo it to the corner."

"With what? There's only one broom."

"Your hands!" Severide snaps as Casey glares back.

"Forget it."

"It won't bite. It's not a blood sucker."

"How do you know?" Casey answers in sarcasm before he chuckles. "But seeing it like that, I kinda feel sorry for it."

"Well how about it takes the upper bunk then?"

"Funny," Casey lightly groans as he quickly snatches the pillow from off the bed and holds it up as Severide tries to gently maneuver the bat toward the roof opening; neither man wanting to inflict any physical harm on the trapped intruder. This time the flustered creature swoops toward Casey, causing him to offer a brief squeak and jump back; Severide looking at him with amused brows. "Don't say it," Casey grumbles as they both turn back to the bat that had now thankfully moved away from the right corner and was showing some progress of nearing the left ceiling opening.

"How'd a hole that big get there in the first place."

"Next time I see dad I'll ask."

"He's never told you?" Casey asks in surprise.

"Not the whole truth. Personally, I think he tried to throw a brick at a spider."

"How big was the spider?" Casey snickers.

"Yeah big bad Benny Severide boasts he can single handedly tackle a five alarm fire but put him against a spider the size of a quarter…speaking of screams like a girl," Severide rattles on in sarcasm as Casey listens on in amusement. "But the story changes every time and it never really has an ending. Next time it'll be little green men to blame," he ends with a laugh.

"Okay this thing is not taking the hint. Do you have a fishing net?" Casey asks suddenly.

"That…actually might work. Wait here."

"Alone?"

"Be happy it's not a bear or the boogey man."

"That isn't funny."

Casey hovers close to the door and waits as Severide goes in search of the fishing net, returning just in time to hear Casey offer a frustrated curse as the bat dive bombs him again and then swoops back up, edging closer to the small opening in the corner of the ceiling.

"So when we catch this thing…" Severide lightly huffs as he hands Casey the broom and tries to catch it with the net. The bat swoops at them again, forcing both to duck back and then look at the other in wonder. "Why are we afraid of it?"

"Getting soft in our old age?" Casey retorts with an easy smile as they finally get the bat toward the hole and it disappears.

"Let's agree…to never tell anyone about that."

"Never," Casey agrees as they both look at the hole they were able to get the bat out of.

"Okay, so let's get changed and then get that hole patched up."

"At least we've earned dinner," Casey quips with some amusement as they both exit the larger bedroom, Casey diverting to the room with the two bunk beds while Severide heads into the kitchen to put away the broom and fishing net. A few minutes later Severide hears only silence coming from Casey's room and dares to pop his head in. He can't help but offer a tender smile at seeing his friend literally curled up on his side and enjoying a light slumber; damp clothes and all. Knowing he had a rough night the night before, Severide pulls away and heads into the room he was just in, smirking at the hole before he changes into something drier.

As he passes by Casey's room, he hates the fact that he'll have to make noise, but the hole has to be fixed before nighttime falls and their uninvited guest returns. Sure enough as soon as the first nail is hit, Casey's body jolts awake with the noise, his eyes fluttering to focus. Giving himself a small growl, he hurries to get changed into something drier and then goes in search of Severide.

"You could have hollered," Casey looks up at Severide on the roof.

"I know you didn't sleep much last night."

"I'm up now. What do you need me to do?"

"I got this pretty much handled so why don't you take the kitchen window frame."

"On it," Casey nods as he disappears from view. In truth he was tired, but his mind was still restless and keeping busy was an excellent way to channel building nervous energy. He finds the kitchen window and stares at the busted part of the frame while his brain searches for a workable solution. Upon finding one, he goes to the shed, gathers up the necessary tools and then heads back to get started.

"Looks like new," Severide comments as he joins Casey at the side of the cabin.

"Roof fixed?"

"That thing will have to turn into batman to get back in there now," Severide comments lightly as Casey lightly chuckles.

"Anything else?"

"Ah the rest is minor. The railing needs to be fixed on the other end and the sh…Matt…hold on," Severide gently turns him back. "It can wait until tomorrow."

"Felt good to be working again," Casey humbly admits.

"You wanna tackle that railing before dinner?"

"Each take an end and meet in the middle?" Casey answers with a smile.

"You're on."

The two of them head over to the front railing to inspect what needed to be fixed, both coming to a unanimous decision about knocking it down and completely rebuilding it. Two hours later, both settle down onto the front bench and admire their handiwork.

"Good job," they both offer the other a fist pump and a chuckle.

"I'm sorry it wouldn't work out with the teams for the barbeque this weekend. But how about the 4th?" Severide refers to the July holiday.

"I think maybe it's better. I know you wanted me to keep busy but now being here, out in the fresh air without too much fuss…" Casey's voice trails off as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "there's less agitation. Another time for the barbeque."

"I honestly don't care when or even if we do it," Severide admits in truth as Casey's head slightly twists upward and looks at his friend in wonder. "I was mostly doing it for you. But if you're okay just hanging here for a few days, just us, I'm okay with that also."

"I know people mean well," Casey huffs as he casts a faraway glance toward the lake, "but sometimes I'm tired of people asking if I'm okay. And then other times, when they don't ask, I wonder if they care at all. I hate this," he concludes with a tormented whisper as he looks down at his fingers as they fiddle with a small awl.

"Sorry man," Severide shakes his head in frustration as he offers Casey's back a small pat. In truth, he didn't really know what to say to that, as he remembered the emotional conflict he struggled with after Andy's death and how he both cursed and praised people for their concern in the same breath. He couldn't fault Casey for the internal struggle, but was remiss to offer a viable solution. Time passing and not being alone was the only answer. They sit in silence a bit longer until Casey finally speaks, echoing what both are finally starting to realize. They're hungry.

"Okay so…time for supper?" Casey finally straightens up, Severide watching before nodding slowly in agreement. This trip was for his friend, and he wants to show Casey that he's the one calling the shots and he was merely there as a support mechanism.

"Yup," Severide slowly stands up; the sun in the distance finally starting to dip behind the soft peaks, bathing the surrounding area in a warm glow before it's replaced with the dark of night. Severide heads to the barbeque to get it started, Casey heading inside to grab the steaks and then set the table. About an hour later, the two of them linger around the table, finishing the last of the beers, talking about the cabin, the bat, the lake and just things in general.

"I know I just gotta keep busy," Casey reiterates as he looks at his nearly drunk bottle of beer.

"But you can't just sweep your grief under the table. I tried to do that with Andy and it backfired," Severide reminds him.

"I know," Casey huffs heavily as he leans back in his chair and looks at Severide with a heavy frown. "I try to remember the good times but then all I can see is that night…the horrible night and I feel panic stricken…almost frozen," he mutters with a tight clip to his tone. "I keep telling myself I should have called earlier or stopped by earlier or done something earlier to prevent it."

"Just don't think you need to keep it all to yourself okay?" Severide's request pulls Casey's somewhat tormented gaze in his direction. "No more of this keeping it all inside until one day you do something rash."

"Yeah…I know," Casey agrees with a small groan as he leans back in his chair and then winces heavily.

"What?"

"Sore."

"Did you change the band-aide after the…lake…swim…no. Figures," Severide groans as he stands up to get the first aid kit.

"Kelly I'm fine."

"Duct tape works on mouths too you know," he tosses back with a snicker, earning a silent eye roll to his back as Casey slumps back in his chair. "And Shay said I could use it."

"Just get busy already," Casey chuckles as he gently removes his shirt and leans to the side, looking down to see his wound looking a bit redder than it should.

"Damn," Severide softly curses as his fingers poke the edge and some watery pus comes forth.

"Blame the lake," Casey's tone offers in remorse as his head rests in his hands. "Or the bat?"

"You know they're attracted to the smell of blood," Severide teases as Casey tosses a pursed lipped expression of disbelief at him.

"Are you trying to give me nightmares?"

"Ah you're not afraid of a little blood sucker are you?" Severide grins as he finishes cleaning the wound. "Hold still."

"Hurts," Casey lightly whimpers as Severide applies another bout of disinfectant to his chewed up skin. After it was drained of the small amount of infection, Severide places the soft padding over the stitching and then seals it up. "Thanks," Casey offers in gratitude as he puts his shirt back on and then starts to clean up the table as Severide returns the first aid kit to its original spot.

"I don't mind taking the bunks," Severide offers as he lingers in the doorway to the bedroom Casey had chosen. "I like being on top," he snickers as Casey merely shakes his head at his friend's lame joke. "We can pretend we're in camp."

"Without the bats?"

"Hey better than frogs or spiders."

"Hate spiders," Casey adds firmly as he turns to look at Severide's concerned expression. "I'll be okay. Trust me after all the excitement and fresh air and that heavy meal, I think I'll just pass out until morning."

"Humor me okay Matt? Take the bigger bed, I promise nothing is getting through the roof and it's less cramped in there."

Not wanting to argue, Casey merely nods in agreement and heads for the doorway, pushing past and entering the room they'd endured the commotion earlier.

"You need anything, holler okay?" Severide mentions as Casey turns back to him with a small frown.

"Even a baseball bat?"

"Then you're on your own," Severide teases as Casey's face softens. "G'nite."

"Night," Casey watches him finally take his leave and then slumps down on the bed and looks outside the small window into the darkness enveloping the cabin. He sits and stares at his transparent reflection for what seems like a small eternity until he no longer has the strength to keep his eyes open. Casey crawls under the covers, turns off the light and rolls onto his uninjured side, his weary body grateful for the rest.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Severide's eyes slowly open, his head twisting to the side as he looks out the window and is greeted by a comforting glow. But a few seconds later, he quickly registers he's not alone in the room; soft snores a few feet below force him to realize that Casey had somehow silently slipped into the room during the night and fell asleep without him waking. He starts to scold himself for not hearing Casey and wondering if maybe his friend needed him during the night and he wasn't available. But as he listens a bit longer to the rather contented sounds coming from the lower bunk, he takes comfort in the fact that Casey just didn't want to be alone. So rather than daring to get up or make too much movement, he settles back in for a few more minutes; in reality waking up about an hour later.

"Kelly?" Casey's sleepy tone asks as he hears his friend's upper bunk creak under his movement; Severide's head peering over the edge in wonder.

"Man I musta been out like a light," Severide mentions with a friendly smile, "I swear I didn't hear you come in here last night."

"So I didn't wake you?"

"Not at all," he answers Casey in truth. "What about you? You sleep okay?"

"Besides seeing myself being eaten by a giant bat?" Casey retorts dryly; his arms folding under his head as he looks up and Severide snickers. "Not that funny."

"It was barely the size of your hand?" Severide reminds him.

"I seem to recall that you offered the lighter scream first."

"Ah but I didn't dream about it did I?"

"Better an unrealistic nightmare than the ones of the past few days," Casey mentions bitterly.

"Yeah," Severide adds in a somber tone. "How is that bed?"

"Actually pretty comfortable. I just um…Kelly…"

"You know you don't have to explain the reason to me. Besides, it's kinda like being at camp. So…pancakes for breakfast?"

"With real bacon right?"

"I told Shay if she brings that tofu bacon home again I'm filing for divorce," Severide chuckles as he sits upright and then swings his legs over and hops off the bed, looking down at Casey. "How's the side?"

"Tender and a bit warm."

"I'll check it later," Severide tells him as he heads out of the room and into the kitchen; Casey slowly following. They talk more about the day ahead, going for a hike, a _real _swim in the lake and then just relaxing a bit more. The rest of the minor repairs would be handled the following day and then it was back to reality.

Severide glances over at Casey as they stand in the kitchen preparing breakfast and knows his faraway look is a memory distracting his mind. But unless Casey was willing to share as he had been up until now, and unless he seemed in very visible distress, Severide decides to let Casey offer if he wanted to and continues on.

"All set?" Severide's gentle tone breaks Casey's thoughts.

"Yeah. Just thinking about what it's going to be like going home alone…" Casey huffs as he carriers the plate of steaming bacon to the table.

"You don't have to live all alone in that house you know," Severide quietly suggests as Casey looks up in wonder. "Seriously man I don't mind if you stay with us for as long as you need to."

"I appreciate it, you know I do but…but I think I need to try to get back to…whatever," his voice dies out as he takes a sip of his strong coffee. "Coffee's good."

"Matt…"

"I want to promise you that I'll be totally okay and won't let things slide again but um…" Casey pauses as he offers Severide a small look of uncertainty. "I can't."

"Okay so how about I make a promise right now to check up you a day or two after a shift set ends just to see what's up…bring over a case of beer and just…hang. And if I see things are looking like they'll fall apart then we'll both get back to basics at that time."

"That sounds like a plan. And with the work stuff in place…"

"You know speaking of that. If you ever feel the need for a cigar break, come and find me. You know I'll never say no."

"Fair enough," Casey nods as the two of them seal the deal with a small 'clink' of their coffee cups and then resume breakfast. Casey's agitation finally starts to ease, his mind reminding him to put faith in Severide's promise that he'd help him emotionally rebuild and try to get back to at least a regular routine – the word 'normal' being tossed out the window the day Hallie was murdered.

After breakfast, they set out for a casual hike around the property, waiting for the sun's rays to burn a bit brighter and warm the area surrounding the lake or even the small dock a bit further so they could swim and enjoy with a few less shivers than the day before. During the hike they talk about work, the teams, replacing Hadley on squad, Mouch's new mail order bride; Casey feeling the ease to interject a few personal Hallie anecdotes into the mix and delighting when Severide would add a few of his own.

"She told you that?" Casey asks in surprise.

"I stopped by the hospital one time to see Shay about something and Hallie told me she thought that."

"Huh. I knew she liked the show House but really…"

"Ever tried speaking with an aussie accent?" Severide snickers.

"No," Casey deadpans as they continue. They complete the trail, coming up at the back of the cabin, the air around them now warm enough for them to change into their swim trunks and tees, grab a few dry towels and head down to the lake. This time, Severide had made a good seal around the bandage and then covered it with duct tape.

"Told you it would come in handy," Severide had grinned after he had covered the soft padding with the heavy tape.

"Kelly…"

"Enough left for the mouth still," he warned; Casey putting up his hands in defeat before he looked down at the silver square on his side. "It'll keep the infection out."

And sure enough the tape seal was holding as Casey bobs back up in the water after they had torn off their shoes and tees, ran down the dock like two young boys and jumped into the lake, offering a loud shout before two splashes were heard.

"Can I say I told you so?" Severide teases Casey as they both climb back onto the dock and he looks at his crude bandaging.

"Better than having the infection get worse," Casey is forced to agree. "Hallie would have been proud," he gives Severide a firm nod, his voice slightly cracking at the end of the mention but his eyes holding back a few miserable tears.

"Let's go again," Severide eggs him on; both of them standing back up, heading toward the start of the dock before charging back down and plunging into the cool water. Casey didn't want to strain it too much with a strenuous swimming race as the skin would pull around the edges of the tape bandage, warning him to be careful with the healing wound. But in reality neither cared and for a few hours, laughter and boyish antics reigned supreme.

"I…give up…" Casey pants in defeat as he staggers back to the towel and slumps down onto his knees, his chest heaving and his face flushed at the end of the race back onto the shore.

"I…win…" Severide tries to laugh as he too flops onto his towel, the two of them looking up before trading amused expressions and then offering the silent landscape around them a hearty laugh.

"On my days off…just gotta keep busy," Casey mentions as he tries to prop himself up onto his elbows, looking onto the lake. "That way…I know I'll sleep…good at night."

"Sounds…like a plan," Severide grunts as he rolls onto his belly and props himself up on his folded arms, the two of them watching the last of the ripples they created dissipate on the top of the lake.

"I needed this," Casey pipes up, prompting Severide to look over in curiosity. "Coming out here…with the only agenda to regroup and…"

"Goof around?"

"Thank you Shay. Yes goof around," Casey slightly smirks as Severide nods in conformation of his roommate's suggestion. "It's helped clear my head."

"I'm glad. Yeah this place is good for that. With all the quiet around it kinda forces you to just reflect and…"

"Make a plan to rebuild. Only…" Casey huffs as he rolls onto his back and stares up at the blue sky overhead, "When I think I have a plan in place I get agitated that I won't follow through. But then I think about what you told me and I feel guilty about thinking it could fail."

"Well this is all new right? Only way you'll know if something works is if you try it and see."

"I know," Casey agrees as he opens his eyes and looks over at Severide with a small frown. "If that happens, guess it'll call for a cigar break right?"

"Right," Severide nods and grins. "How's the bandage?"

"Starting to itch," Casey answers in truth as he fiddles with the damp edge of the duct tape. Using that as their cue, the two of them pack up their few items and head back to the cabin at a slow pace. They enter the cabin, Severide telling Casey he'd remove the duct tape covering after Casey has a shower and washes off the lake residue. Casey too tired to argue.

"Okay hold still a sec."

"It's pulling the skin," Casey winces as Severide tries to peel the duct tape from Casey's warmed, bare skin.

"Okay, take a deep breath."

"Why are…OWW!" Casey growls as Severide rips the tape from his side and then stands back.

"Was told it would hurt less."

"By who?" Casey grimaces as he swats Severide's hand away from pulling at the last piece of tape.

"Shay. She said it was like getting her legs or whatever else waxed," he snickers as Casey tugs off the last piece of tape and tosses it into the garbage can. "I don't know how women do it."

"Glad I'll never find out. How's it look?"

"Better," Severide answers in truth as he peels back the dry bandage and looks at the wound underneath. "Still a bit warm but better than yesterday and not as much infection coming out. I'll leave it open for a bit and we'll cover it before bed."

"Thanks."

"You ready to get back to the real world tomorrow?" Severide asks lightly as they head into the kitchen to start dinner; it being the last night at the cabin. The two of them talk a bit longer before sitting down at the table to eat their meal and then heading into the living room to slump down on the couch and watch a movie.

About two hours later, the credits start to roll but both men's bodies have sagged together; the tiring day's events one again taking their toll and whisking them away into the realm of sleep sooner than expected. But unlike the night before, Severide hears Casey's lips mumbling beside him forcing his eyes to flutter open. He looks at the credits rolling and then over at Casey who's still asleep and can't help but yawn. His mind wonders if he should disturb Casey and get him into a real bed, but it's not long before Casey's words help him decide.

"Was it the mechanic?" Casey asks in a sleepy tone as he shifts to a better spot on the couch.

"Always. Come on Matt, let's get some real sleep."

"I'm okay here," he mumbles without opening his eyes. Knowing better than to argue, Severide gently removes himself and grabs a warm blanket and drapes it over Casey's frame. Casey offers a whispered 'thank you' before he curls under the blanket on his uninjured side. Severide turns off the TV and the small kitchen light and slowly wanders into the other bedroom, the one without the bunks, flops down onto the bed and is fast asleep within seconds.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Casey awakens well rested, stretching out on the couch and looking around with a small frown. In truth the couch wasn't as comfortable as the bed, but the night before he had been too tired and was more than content to sleep on the couch for the bulk of the night; a few tormented nightmares popping into his mind but none as strong as the past few weeks.

As he lingers on the couch he thinks about his own personal honesty throughout this whole terrible ordeal. He had convinced himself he was handling it in an acceptable way but the visible results of his actions had proven otherwise. But Severide had listened to his plan and had offered level-headed suggestions that made him feel like going back home on his own wasn't as daunting a task as he had at first thought. Adding to his mental reassurance was the fact that Severide had given him the spare key to his loft on a permanent basis, assuring him at any time he could use the key and he would find emotional solace and some physical comfort.

"So how was the movie?" Severide asks as Casey twists his head and looks up with a lazy smile.

"It was the care bears adventure right?" Casey jokes as he slowly sits up and then looks out the window, casting a small frown to the rather overcast morning. "How'd you sleep?"

"Yeah pretty good. I did dream about a giant bat though," Severide retorts as Casey snickers and nods. Casey slowly gets up and helps Severide clean up the couch and then heads into the smaller bedroom to get dressed for the day. The two of them work on breakfast and then start to pack up and then about mid-morning, a few hours after breakfast getting ready to close up and head back to civilization.

"Suddenly I'm nervous," Casey mentions as they near the city limits about an hour later. "Being out there, everything was so clear and I know it's because I didn't have to worry about too much. But now…back to work, life, home…suddenly I'm nervous."

"Only natural right?"

"I know. I have a plan and am going to do my best to make it work no matter what. With help, when I need it."

"Or if you don't and I see you need it," Severide gently reminds him as Casey looks over and nods.

"You gonna be okay?" Severide asks as he pulls to a stop in front of Casey's place and both look at Casey's quiet home.

"I have to go back sometime right? Like the ER…Kelly the longer I stayed away and didn't want to face things the harder it became when I did go back. I see that now and I can't let it happen again. I'll be okay and if not I have that key."

"I expect you to use it."

"Careful what you wish for," Casey retorts lightly as they carry a few things toward the front door; Severide promising a round of golf at a future date. Casey pushes the door open and for a split second is transformed back in time to when Severide first found him in his place; surrounded by empty bottles, take out containers, dirty clothes and miscellaneous items in general. He feels his heart rate quicken but a kind hand on his back forces him to blink and the past morbid image fades, replaced by one a lot more positive. Everything before him is clean, in order and welcoming.

"Thank you Shay," Casey whispers as he takes another step into the main living area of his home, heading for the kitchen; Severide in tow. "Thanks again for the great holiday," Casey tells Severide in truth after they had put away this things; Severide now heading to the door to take his leave.

"I had fun also. But Matt I am worried," he mentions in truth as he turns back to Casey with a small frown.

"I know," Casey nods, "I am too a little. But I will see you tomorrow and then…one day at a time right?"

"Day at a time," Severide whispers as he offers Casey a brief but tender and supportive hug and then takes his leave. Casey watches him go, offers a small wave before he closes the door and then turns back to his quiet home. But it's only seconds before he's already missing his friends banter, or Shay's questions or even laughing over some winged intruder and suddenly he seizes.

"I can do this," he tells himself as he heads into the living room and flips on the TV to get some noise in the background. He then heads into the kitchen to see about making a light dinner and some lunches for the week. Drawing a blank he picks up the phone and calls his sister.

_"Matt? Is everything okay?" _

"Yeah I um…I just had a question about that pasta dish you like to make. How do you make it again?"

_"Well…"_

About an hour later, Casey hangs up with his sister; his mind already lifted after telling her about his enjoyable time with Severide at his father's cabin, the adventure with the bat and now having a new plan in place for dealing with losing his beloved fiancé. Christie of course was more than supportive, even asking him to come over after this set of shifts ends to help fix something in their backyard – a task Casey readily agreed to. After all that, the rest of the night ahead wasn't as tormented as he had once feared and was able to actually lay down in his bed with less agitation than the night before.

XXXXXXXX

"Casey," Boden walks into the quiet locker room the following morning and up to his locker.

"Morning Chief," Casey offers a kind smile in return.

"How was the time at the cabin?"

"Just what the doctor ordered," Casey answers in truth.

"Good to hear. And how are you today?"

"I'm…I'm okay so far. I'm not lying to myself like I was before. I just don't…Chief I don't share everything with everyone," Casey lightly stammers as Boden quickly interjects.

"You don't have to but just know that we all have your back and there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thanks Chief," Casey answers with a small smile as he nods in agreement; Cruz walking in and looking at them with a greeting smile.

"See you both at breakfast."

"Morning Casey, you doin' okay?"

"I'm…getting there," Casey answers in truth as Cruz offers him a knowing smile. "Doesn't go away overnight, does it?"

"No lieutenant it doesn't," Cruz answers knowingly. "You ever wanna talk or whatever…I'm here."

"Thanks Cruz," Casey replies as Severide finally ambles in and offers both a good morning grin; Cruz taking his leave. "Morning."

"Everything okay?"

"It will be," Casey nods as he closes his locker and heads toward his friend. "It will be."

Severide hears the positive tone in Casey's words and can't help but smile and give him a hearty slap on the back. He worried about not seeing Casey for his shift when he first arrived, but seeing his truck when he pulled in put his mind at ease. But, despite Casey's determined words, both he and Shay had made a pact last night to keep an eye on their friend and tell the other when some caring interference was needed as they weren't going to abandon him now – Severide keeping his promise that no matter what Casey might face – he'd never have to do it alone.

Casey heads into the general eating area, feeling Boden's fatherly gaze rest upon him and then turning to see Severide's ever watchful and caring eye. In the past, he would have balked at the notion and told them to mind their own business and he was fine, but the past few days had proved to him that showing weakness and vulnerability to those that genuinely cared was the right course and he knows it's what Hallie would want of him and expect to them. He feels the spare key to Severide's loft in his inner pocket and also takes comfort in knowing that no matter what he would have to face in the coming weeks or months, or even a year on the anniversary date that he'd never have to do it alone again and that it was possible to rebuild a life and future even from the ashes.

_"Engine 51…Truck 81…Squad 3…Ambulance 61…apartment fire…"_

"Alright everyone. Let's go!"

**THE END!**

* * *

**A/N:** So we have reached the end of this. I heard they are going to start season 2 after some time has passed after the finale and I am really hoping they don't just shovel Casey's grieving under the carpet (and god forbid they actually have him tease the love triangle again so soon after such a heart breaking loss b/c that would be beyond lame). so I don't know what they are going to do. But I just wanted to show Matt's struggles right after the death and then realize he has a solid support system in place and try to move on. Death is never easy to move past but I didn't want to dwell on it. so I hope these 6 chappies have been satisfying to some small degree with this angsty topic. Thank you all so much for your amazing support and would love your final review for this before you go! Thanks again everyone!

**PS: HOpe you all liked the ending to my perilous little ficlet 'Mayday'**

**PSS: New story coming very soon!**


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